I’ve been thinking about writing this entry for awhile now,and now that I’m no longer a server and have my college degree and am awaiting bigger and better things in my future, I feel like I can go ahead and write about this without feeling a little guilty, like I’m complaining about my job.This is not meant to be a complaint. Even though a lot of restaurants, if not all of them to be honest, are corrupt, don’t treat their employees well, and are difficult jobs to keep, I still believe that dining out is supposed to be a nice experience. It is perfect for all kinds of occasions – job interviews,birthdays, family gatherings, reunions of old friends, and dates. I think dining out is an important part of our culture, and that people need to know how to do it properly. Yes, there is a proper way to dine out, and everyone should be taught how to act at a restaurant before going out. Personally, I believe every young person needs to hold a job at a restaurant before ever going out at a restaurant, because we can tell our teenagers all I want about my past experiences as a server, but they will never really understand it until they experience it themselves and depend on the income from that job for their rent and food. I remember taking a party of 25 middle school kids who only had one adult with them, and everyone wanted separate checks. Those kids were not told by their parents that they needed to tip me. The woman that was chaperoning them tipped me $4 on her $40 tab, and I did not receive any kind of tip from any of the children. In full, that tab was probably $200 or $300, and I made $4 off of them. And since my tip out off that tab was more than $2 or$3, depending on how high the tab was, I only actually went home with $2 or $3 from them. So honestly, I also believe people should not dine out until they are of a certain age as well. But, hey, all I can do is make sure my future children don’t dine out at the age of 13 and teach them how to act at restaurants. Other than that, there’s really nothing I can do about anyone else’skids. My only other hope is to write this blog entry and share my experiences with you guys. So, if you want to get an idea of how you are supposed to act when you dine out, check out the list below. You may be surprised at some things you unintentionally do without thinking about it when you dine out. Since your dining out experience begins even before you walk in the door of the restaurant, I’ll start there.
1. Before you even arrive at the restaurant, get it worked out in your head how much you intend to spend and on your food AND the tip. Go ahead and add the tip into your budget. If you only want to spend $25,remember that you need to only spend about $20 on food so that you can afford to give a good tip. It’s not difficult. If you can afford a nice meal out,instead of a cheap meal that you buy at the grocery store, then you can afford to treat your server as nicely as he or she treats you. And if you go to a different country, learn the tipping norms there before dining out!
2. As soon as you walk in the door, make sure to check in at the hostess stand. DO NOT SEAT YOURSELF. There is almost always a sign at the front of the restaurant that says “Please wait to be seated.” That sign is there for a reason. (Some restaurants have a sign that says “Please seat yourself,” so obviously, it’s ok to seat yourself at those restaurants,but there are not many of those.) If you are at a legitimate restaurant, you are most definitely expected to wait to be seated. The hostess is there for a reason. Her job is to keep a rotation going for her servers. That way each server gets the same number of tables, so no server gets all the tables, while other servers don’t get any. Furthermore, the hostess’s job is to let the server know when he/she has gotten a table. If you come in and seat yourself, and the server is not constantly walking back and forth near your table, he/she might not realize you are there. This is especially true when it’s very busy, because then there are so many tables of people, it’s hard to tell when a new one comes in. So do everyone a favor and check in with the hostess. I would not walk into your house, not greet you, and go sit where ever I feel like sitting, so don’t go into someone’s place of work and do the same.
3. Try not to be picky about where you sit. This isn’t a must, but it is courteous to just sit where the hostess puts you. It annoys the hostess when she walks all the way to a table to sit you, and then you decide that table is not up to your standards. It is a waste of her time to deal with that. If you have a specific preference, tell her from the beginning.But the best thing to do is just sit where she puts you. Like I said before,restaurants have a rotation going so that every server has the same number of tables. This makes it fair for all the servers, and it keeps one server from being sat with three tables in a row and getting overwhelmed while other servers don’t get anything. You will survive without your precious booth! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a section with no booths or just 1 or 2 booths, and no one wants to sit at a table, so I didn’t make any money on those nights, while other servers with better section made bank and were worked to death on the same night I was bored out of my mind the whole night. There is no need to be so picky over something so silly as the table you eat at. I go to a restaurant to eat food, so as long as I get my food, I’m happy! And for the love of God, once you have sat down and gotten drinks and gotten your experience started, do NOT request to move tables, especially not to another server’s section. If you do, you have just wasted ten minutes of the first server’s time, as she will then have to transfer you to another server in the computer system, which is a pain and can upset the first table over her lost time and effort that she will not be tipped for.
4. Be patient for your server to greet your table.She has other tables, and the hostess may not have notified her she has a table. Also, it is possible that another server is going home, and they are in the process of changing sections, so it may take a few minutes for anyone to know who is supposed to be your server. Calm down, and check out the menu for a few minutes.
5. Do NOT talk on your cell phone while at your table, and definitely do not expect your server to take your order or even approach your table to greet you before you put that cell phone down. That is so rude, and the server can't get anything accomplish or ask you what you need or how the food is if you are too busy talking on the phone with someone else. Now, when your server approaches the table,LISTEN TO HIM/HER. Your server has a name. She will tell you her name, and it is only courteous to use it and try to remember it for the night if possible.She also has a schpeel to tell you upon greeting you. She will likely ask you how you are doing, tell you her name, and maybe even tell you some specials going on or new drinks or appetizers you might be interested in. Even if you don’t care about this, it is only courteous to let her get through the schpeel.When she arrives at the table, it is very rude for you to look up at her and just say “Diet coke.” Servers are people too. Server, not servant. Be kind. Be courteous. Do not be rude. Also, once she is done with her schpeel, you need to IMMEDIATELY tell her if you’re in a hurry. If you are, she will make sure you are out the door in time for your movie, but if you don’t, she will assume you are there for a leisurely meal, like most other people are, and you can’t blame her for that.
6. Again, be patient with your server. Furthermore,cooperate with her. If she comes to your table and asks if you’re ready to order, and you are not ready, she is probably going to give you a good while to figure out what you want, because she doesn’t want to keep bothering you when you’re obviously not in any hurry. So do NOT get angry or impatient and expect your server to be at your table immediately when you make your decision on what to eat. Also, realize that, if you order drinks from the bar, your server is waiting on the bartender to make your drinks before she can bring them to you. It is not necessarily your server’s fault if your drinks take a couple minutes to make. Be patient! You are there to relax and have a good time, so just relax. And if you tell the server you are ready to order, you better seriously be ready to order. The menu will say if your food comes with a side or 2 sides or a soup/salad or whatever. Know exactly what you want before you order. Most entrees come with at least one side of your choice! Look for the sides, soups, and salads on the menu, and know which one you want before you take up your server's time when ordering your food. The menu will also say how you can have things cooked. If I ask you, how do you want your fish cooked? Just tell me something. Don't stare blankly at me. What do you want? Fried? Grilled? Blackened? What? The menu says right there that you get a choice of fried, grilled, or blackened fish. This should not come as a surprise. If I ask you how you want your steak cooked, this is a common question. Do not stare blankly at me and tell me you don't know. If you are dining out with a small child, do not tell your server you are ready, begin ordering your food, and then look at your child and ask him what he wants. He is a small child. He will look at you and have no clue what to say if you haven't already previously discussed this with him. Children take just as much, if not more, time to look at a menu and figure out what they want to eat as you do. Also they are young, so they need your help and guidance when looking at the menu, especially if they can't read it yet. They can't just come up with an answer. They don't know what the restaurant has! Don't sit there and say "What do you want? Chicken fingers? A hamburger? A fish sandwich? What do you want? Ok, a corndog? Cool. Now what side do you want? French fries? Macaroni? Broccoli?" Meanwhile, the kid is looking at you with a blank stare on his face and not answering. Your server doesn't get paid enough to stand there and waste her time listening to a full on conversation about what your child might or might not want to eat while she has other tables to tend to. If you say you're ready to order, that means you and your whole table should know EXACTLY what they want to order, and you need to keep it short and sweet so other tables don't become angry with the server for not being at their table for such a long time. Also, do not cut off someone else to order your own food. Don't order your food until your server looks at you or directly asks you what want to order. Most likely, when someone orders something, the server has a question about how that person wants their food cooked, what kind of sauces they require, etc. So don't cut off your server or your dining out companion from their order until you are sure they are done ordering their food.
7. Do not order your food at different times. It’s actually best you order all your drinks at the same time too, but at the very least, do not order food all at different times. There is an order for things:First, if you are not drinking alcohol, then order your drinks. If you are drinking alcohol, then either order your waters and your alcoholic drink, or just order you waters while you check out the alcoholic drink menu. Then, if you haven’t yet, order your alcoholic drink. Then order your appetizer. Then order your food. When your server approaches the table, don’t immediately say “Chicken sandwich with fries.” She needs to get your drinks first. If you already know what you want to eat, and everyone else at the table does too, then give her your drink orders, and then tell her you’re ready to order your food whenever she is ready. Pay attention. If your server is going around the table taking drink orders, don’t look up when she gets to you and say “Chicken sandwich with fries.” Everyone will look at you funny, you’ll make yourself look silly, and you will annoy your server.
8. I guess this will be the miscellaneous section. Talk to your server. Joke with her. Listen to her. Every time she comes to the table, stop talking, and listen to what she has to say. Cooperate with her. She is there to help you, make your experience fun, and converse with you. Also, you will notice I call them “servers.” Do not call them “waiter” or “waitress.” Those are degrading names, even though you may not realize it. The proper term is “server.” Furthermore, do not make a huge ungodly mess, and do not let your children do that. Do not let your children run around and scream like hoodlums. They should never stand up on their seat or walk around the restaurant getting in servers' way. Keep them under control. Also, it is recommended that you do not bug your server about turning air conditioning up or down, or turning the lights up or down. She is very busy, and these are the kinds of things that can put her way behind and put her in the weeds. She wants to make your stay comfortable, but this is a ridiculous request. What you're doing is asking to change the temperature in the restaurant based on your own needs without regards to the needs of 100 other people in the restaurant. That's not fair. Besides, I would never go to your house and request you turn the air conditioning down for me. Servers run around like crazy and get hot and sweaty. They need the air to be flowing a little colder than normal. So if you are one of those people who is not very adaptable to multiple temperatures, then bring a jacket with you when you dine out. I keep a jacket in my car at all times, just as a rule of thumb. This has served me well in the past.
9. Don’t assume your server can read your mind. Be very clear when telling her what you want. One time, I had a table, and a customer asked me “Do you have any grouper?” I said, “Yes, we do, and we can cook it any way you like it.” She just left it at that, didn’t say anything else about the grouper, and said she wanted a fried green tomato appetizer. I asked her if she wanted that as her meal, and she said yes. Then her husband ordered a chicken sandwich as his meal. I put the order in, I brought it to the table,I asked if everything looked right, they said yes, and they ate it. Then a few minutes into the meal, I checked in with them and asked if everything tasted right, and the lady looked up at me and said, “Is that grouper coming any time soon?” I asked her what she meant, and she told me she had ordered “The Grouper.”No, she had not. All she had done was inquire about whether or not we carried grouper in house. So I told her, “Ma’am, I did not realize you were trying to order any grouper, and we do not carry anything by the name of ‘The Grouper.’We have grouper sandwiches, fried grouper baskets, etc. But you have to choose which you want, how you want it cooked, and what side you would like to order with it.” This is what I’m talking about when I say you need to be very clear,because you’re server is not a mind-reader. Also, when she asks you if your food looks right upon dropping it at your table, it is your job to tell her if something seems wrong. (For example, you have to tell her if you’re missing something.)
10. Remember that the cooks in the restaurant are doing the best they can. They are very busy, and it may take quite awhile for them to make your food, as you are not the only customer in the restaurant. Do not harass your server about when your food will be out. SHE DOES NOT KNOW. She has a lot to do for all her tables, and she does not have time to go to the kitchen and harass the cooks about giving you special treatment and getting your food out faster. If you do not have at least an hour to eat, then you should eat at home or go to a fast food restaurant, not a real restaurant.Furthermore, being very hungry is definitely not a valid reason to harass your server. Everyone is hungry. That is why they are at the restaurant. Be patient.
11. When your server drops off the food, like I said before, it is your job to tell her if you’re missing something, if the food does not look right, or if you need anything (examples: extra napkins, sauces,etc.) Try to come up with everything at one time and tell it to your server atone time. Do not tell her to get you something, then tell her you want something else when she comes back with the first thing, and then tell her something else when she comes back with the second thing. Your server is busy.Do not run her. And preferably, think of what you might need before your food arrives, and tell her when you order your food. If you always use malt vinegar for your fish, or A1 sauce for your burger, then tell her beforehand, so she has time to get it for you before you have your food and want to eat it immediately. That is a small window of time for her to get something for you,and she is probably very busy. Recognize when your server is extremely busy, and leave her alone as much as you can. And if she does not perform optimal services for you due to the fact that she is over-the-top outrageously busy, do not hold it against her and give her a bad tip. She is only human. It is not her fault there aren't enough servers on the floor. If she is getting her butt kicked, rather than tipping poorly, tip her extremely well. That will make her feel like all that work she just did was worth someone, and she will feel appreciated. Chances are, all her other customers tipped her poorly, so you don't want to add to that, do you? That can really make a server's day very depressing if no one sees her effort or appreciates it.
12. You are allowed to send back anything you don’t like, but it looks really bad and is a huge waste. Try not to send back food if at all possible. Your food doesn’t have to come our flawless to a T for you to enjoy it. I consider that a first world problem, and you’re wasting the restaurant’s money. That is the reason food prices at restaurants are so high.They have to account for all the food people mindlessly send back to go into the trash. And who eats the money from that wasted meal? The restaurant. That isn’t fair. So be careful about sending food back. Be sure the food is ruined before you send the food back. And if you want to send the food back, don’t wait for your server to read your mind and have another plate made for you or take that meal off your ticket. Tell her exactly what you want her to do in order to fix the problem. And if she can’t get you exactly what you want, it’s probably the manager’s doing, not hers. A server only has so much power. Also, if something is wrong with the food, tell your server IMMEDIATELY when you notice it, so she has a chance to fix the problem. I have had people tell me everything looks right, eat the whole plate of food, and then tell me something was wrong or missing from their plate and request to have the plate taken off their bill.This is not right. It’s not ok, and you can’t expect your server to take that off your bill. And if your server does not take it off your bill, do not blame her. It is the manager’s doing. No server ever has the power to take things off your bill without a manager’s approval. Nine times out of ten, when people have tried to pull this trick on me, they get angry when I can’t take the plate of their bill, and they have given me a terrible tip.
13. When you are finished with something, whether it is a cup, plate, or trash, sit it at the edge of the table closest to the server. She will get it out of your way. If you are going to stack things, which you can do if you'd like to be helpful, then stack them well! Don’t stack them so that the server is bound to drop everything all over the place when she attempts to pick them up. When you are done with your plates, put them on the edge of the table closest to your server. If you don’t want to do that, then at least make it easy for your server to take it out of your way. If she asks you to hand you your plate, don’t sit there and ignore her and talk to your friend across from you. Pay attention. Help her to help you. She can not always reach the plates herself, but she wants to get them out of your way, and if she doesn’t, she can get in trouble with management. Also, if your server brings you a refill in a new cup, if you are done with your old cup, immediately take your straw out of the old cup, put it in the new cup, and hand your server your old cup.
14. Now, once the bill comes to the table, your server will likely stand it up on the edge of the table. Do not pick it up,play with it, and set it down. This will confuse your server. If the booklet is lying flat on the table, that is supposed to mean there is a form of payment in the booklet, and that you are ready for her to come pick it up from you.
15. Finally, you may have read my blog entry about how tipping is a terrible system ("Dodger Logic #74: Tip Cows, Not Servers,") but this is the system that is in play right now, so we have to run with it. The best we can do now is to be a good tipper.That is how you ensure good service in the future. If you repeatedly go to a restaurant, every server there will know if you’re a bad tipper, and you will not receive good service. Furthermore, you may even find that, one day, no server at the restaurant will serve you. While it is not recommended, servers have the right to refuse to serve any table, by law. Even if you don’t care about this,you should tip well, because it’s the right thing to do. Sharing is caring. I wouldn’t go to your job and require a service from you, and then refuse to pay.You required a service from your server, and tipping is the way you pay her. She makes $2.13/hr, and every single bit of that goes to paying taxes on tips. So literally the money she makes in tips is her entire income. Furthermore, she has to tip out a certain amount of money from your tab to the bartender, busser, food runner, hostess, and sometimes even cooks and dishwashers. So you if you don’t tip her enough or at all, she actually loses money from serving you. Nowadays, the norm is to tip 20%. That is for good service. Make sure not to miscalculate the tip. Also make sure not to blame the server for things that are out of her control such as your food being cooked wrong, the food taking too long to get to you, and not taking something off your bill. (The latter is up to the manager, not the server. If the manager decides not to take something off your bill for you, that is not your server’s fault.) Do not be harsh when judging your server and tipping her based on those judgments. She works very hard for 14 hours straight, sometimes 6 or 7 days a week. If she made one mistake,it is not that big of a deal, especially if she fixed the mistake to the best of her ability. Here is what your tip says: 1. 20% or more – “We appreciate you making our experience great! You are a hard worker, and we enjoyed our time here.” 2. 18% - “You did a good job, and liked you, but you could’ve been a little bit better.” 3. “15% - We only gave you the minimum, because your service was not up to par, but we still believe you should be paid for your services”. 4. 10% or less – “You are terrible at your job, and you don’t even deserve to be able to afford a roof over your head or groceries to feed yourself. Go find something else to do, because serving isn’t your thing, and we hate you.” Believe it or not, your tip has a lot to do with your server’s happiness and self-esteem. It has less to do with the amount of money they receive from you, and more to do with the message you send with your tip.Furthermore, if you have something taken off your tab, you are still expected to tip as if that plate was still on your tab. Your server still brought that food for you. If you use a coupon or discount of some sort or gift card, you are still expected to tip off the original tab. You are also expected to tip on the total AFTER taxes are added. Don’t be stingy. It is my personal experience that what comes around goes around, so be good to everyone you come into contact with, no matter what! It will pay off in the end, and it’s simply the right thing to do. Oh! And also, realize that some places gratuitize 18% on parties of 6 or more, but not all places do. Check for that on your ticket when you get it. Don’t always leave it at 18%. You can add on top of that and should if your server was good to you. Do NOT be offended if you have been gratted.Servers get screwed out of tips all the time, so this is their way of making sure they don’t get screwed over on a huge tab. They don’t know you and don’t know how you tip. And sometimes the gratuity is automatically added by the computer, so it might not even be your server’s fault that it’s there. Do not complain about being gratted. If that is the restaurant’s rule, then that is the restaurant’s rule. You look like a cheap trouble-maker if you complain about the gratuity and ask for it to be removed. Also, do NOT assume that gratuity has been added to your ticket and not tip the server. Not every restaurant practices gratuitizing on parties. If you assume there is gratuity on the tab, but there isn’t, your server does not get tipped at all.
So, as long as you follow these fairly simple rules on howto properly and courteously dine out, I think you’re ready! Go out, relax, and have a great time. That’s what dining out is all about! And remember to always be courteous and patient about everything. At least in the restaurant industry, servers and managers are more likely to give you what you want if you show them respect, because in this industry, respect is not something you see very often. This is why they appreciate respect when they finally get some! Have an enjoyable night out the next time you dine out!
If you want more funny and insightful rules of dining out, check out this funny site that tells you more: http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-ways-to-tick-off-your-waiter.php. Also, here is a website about "campers" or people who take up a server's table all night so that she can't turn the table, and some ways you can "camp" but still do good by your server: https://thewaitressconfessions.wordpress.com/?contact-form-id=1310&contact-form-sent=1385&_wpnonce=2e86344fcd#contact-form-1310. And if you want some hilarious videos about servers ranting about their problems in a comedic way, check out the 1. "The Restaurant" videos on YouTube, 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWH-InCezlQ, 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3Ame4rRO-k, and 4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3cvW5r-YUU, and 5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u32XwObvTNA. I also found this video about this couple that was arrested for not tipping! The video is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCZ0Sa3uMZc.
This is how you should like when you dine out! Enjoy it!
