#103: Her Name Is Caitlyn

I’ve seen a lot of hatred toward transgenders lately, and a lot of the buzz has surrounded Caitlyn Jenner’s recent transition from male to female. She was awarded the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage, for which she received ample criticism, as people all over the country said that what she did was not courageous. And of course, the same people keep referring to her by her dead name, Bruce Jenner, as well as her dead pronouns, he/him/his. I want to explain a few things to you guys about transgenders, and I hope no transgenders out there are upset that I’m explaining this, because obviously I have never experienced it in my life. But from a cis-gendered woman’s point of view, I want to explain to my fellow cis-gendered friends some etiquette that I think we should all live by in order to respect our fellow human beings, no matter their gender identity.

First thing’s first. I don't care if you like Caitlyn at all. There are many people who believe she is vain and fails to realize that some people aren't rich and can't afford a gender reassignment surgery, so they call her out for her character. That's fine! If you don't like her for who she is as a person, that's one thing, but you better be respectful of who she is as a person, because you never know who is listening to you put her down for her gender identity, when it's really her character that should be judged.

I don’t care if you think Caitlyn has exhibited enough bravery to be awarded the Arthur Ashe Award. There are many people who share this view, and I’m not saying that I fully disagree. I do believe that the 2 women who were the first women in history to graduate from ranger school, Capt. Kristen Griest & 1^st Lt. Shaye Haver, are incredibly brave. I believe that any person who is willing to go to battle for this country (or any country, for that matter) is brave. I think people, specifically children, battling life-threatening diseases are brave. The list goes on. And if we are going to award someone the highest of the high courage awards, the first person who came to mind probably wouldn’t have been Caitlyn Jenner, if I’m being honest. However, I do believe there are all kinds of heroes in this world. There are levels of heroism & courage, and you would have to be completely blinded by hatred for the LGBTQ+ community to not see the reasons why Caitlyn is, indeed, a hero to many – particularly to young people struggling with their identity.

A few statistics might be helpful in understanding why every trans person who is willing to come out to the world & be who they are, despite the potential consequences is, indeed, brave. Check out the HRC Research Overview on Hate Crimes and Violence against Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender People. Approx. 49% of transgender teens attempt suicide. Transgendered youth whose parents force them to adhere to their birth-assigned gender tend to experience higher rates of depressing, illegal drug use, & suicide attempts than do their cis-gendered counterparts whose parents don’t put that kind of pressure on them. In Chicago, for instance, 18% of homeless youth identify as transgender. Parents are far more likely to abandon their children if they identify as transgender or have identity issues. One in 12 white transgender people is murdered in the U.S, and those statistics rise to 1 in 8 if the transgender person is of color. This is disturbing. Any transgender who is willing to open up to the world & be who they are, no matter what the consequences may be, is incredibly brave, if you ask me. And I think the reason people have awarded Caitlyn Jenner this prestigious honor above all other transgender folks is simply because she is in the limelight. She has a lot more to lose than many other transgender folks. She is in the public’s eye and is subject to much harsher scrutiny, because everyone knows who she is. I’m not saying that other, less famous or not-at-all famous transgender people aren’t brave, because they are, but I think this is particularly why Jenner was chosen for this award.

Now, whether or not you agree with this award being given to Jenner is really a moot point. There are people on both ends of the issue. Yes, I think she is incredibly brave, but the first people who come to mind when I think of giving such a prestigious award would be military personnel, cops, firefighters, etc. But again, there are all kinds of different heroes out there, and Jenner was a big part of the media at the time she was given the award. I get not accepting that she won the award. I get having someone else in mind who you believe to be more deserving. I get not liking her as a person, because of her vanity, or whatever else you don't like about her character. What I don’t get is all of the disrespect toward Jenner, just because of who she has decided to be and how she has decided to live her life, which in no way affects anyone else.

Here’s how to respect Jenner & other transgender people: 1. Call her by the name she has chosen for herself. That is the name she feels best  suits her, and which she is most comfortable hearing. What skin is it off your back to call her Caitlyn, instead of Bruce? It’s wrong to dead name someone. Bruce Jenner no longer exists; her name is Caitlyn. Why do you people call me Jo? My birth name is Jordan, but people call me Jo. Why? Because I asked them to. That is the name I’ve chosen to go by, and I feel most comfortable when people outside of my family call me that. And most people respect that, because that respect me, so they call me by the name I asked them to call me. It’s as simple as that. 2. Call her by the pronouns that she feels describe her. Biologically, she may be a male. She may have been born with male genitalia & XY chromosomes, but her gender identity is something completely separate from that. She feels like a female on the inside, like she was born in the wrong body. And that’s ok. Whether you agree with it or not, it is very disrespectful to use dead pronouns when describing a transgender person.

One more thing that everyone should do, for the sake of being a good person: support the cause. You don’t have to agree to realize that the statistics above are disgusting. You can think being transgender is the most terrible thing in the world if you want, but you should realize that these people are important. They shouldn’t be murdered in overwhelming numbers just because of the way they choose to live their lives, which affects no one but themselves. They shouldn’t have to live their lives in fear of being bullied, abused, or murdered. They shouldn’t have to hate themselves so much that they feel the need to commit suicide to get away from such an evil world that hates them for no reason. For the sake of humanity, we should all come together & fight the hatred displayed toward people who are different. Do you know how to join the fight against this hatred? Stop talking about transgender people as if they are lesser than you. Stop talking about how they are “sinning,” and how they are “not natural.” Stop publicly speaking out against how they are living their lives, since their lifestyles don’t affect you in any way. Live your life the way you want to, and live by example if you think they’re “sinning.” No matter how you feel about their lifestyle, you should hate the statistics I showed you even more & want to put a stop to them. THAT will ring way ouder & truer than any bashing you do toward other people.

I present to you, Caitlyn Jenner.

#102: Politically Correct = Respect

I never thought I’d be writing a blog entry about political correctness as a top issue, but here we are. There are an astonishing number of people who agree with 2016 GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump that we should completely stop being politically correct and tip-toeing around people’s feelings. And of course, there are people on the opposite end of the spectrum that say Trump is wrong, and that political correctness is important. Google’s definition of political correctness is “the avoidance, often considered as taken to extremes, of forms of expression or action that are perceived to exclude, marginalize, or insult groups of people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against.” Lately, the argument over political correctness is that some people are unhappy that the new trend is to say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas,” and that many people are pushing to do away with phrases such as “In God we trust” or “God bless America” (particularly when it comes to keeping those phrases on U.S. currency,) in order to keep from offending non-Christians. The pot has been stirred by incidents such as Starbucks removing all Christmas decorations from their seasonal holiday cups, so as to make their company more inclusive. A lot of people are not ok with this & consider this a “war on Christmas.” Plenty of people in the world do not embrace change and don’t want to alter their speech or actions, because they’ve never had to do that, and they feel like it is silly. A lot of these people feel like other people are overly sensitive these days. In backlash to these “overly sensitive” people, for instance, Sheriff Jolley of Harris County, Georgia posted a sign on government property that reads “WARNING: Harris County is politically incorrect. We say: Merry Christmas, God Bless America, and In God We Trust. We salute our troops and our flag. If this offends you… LEAVE!” This sign has received ample praise & criticism from both sides of the issue. So I’m here to try to clear things up a little bit and see if we can’t find some middle ground here.

For anyone who doesn’t really understand why people are so upset about political incorrectness, imagine you are the minority. You moved to a different country – let’s say, for example, a country that allows religious freedom but happens to be majority Islamic, such as Mali. You are a Christian surrounded by all of these Islamics, and around their holidays, they are always telling you “Eid Mubarak,” while not taking into account that you might not celebrate that holiday, because you are a Christian. You are completely overwhelmed by all of the decorations around town that are in celebration of these holidays, and you understand that that comes with the territory of moving to a country that is majority Islamic, even if everyone has a right to their own religious beliefs. So you shake it off. Everyone is just trying to be nice to you and spread Eid cheer. But then you see a sign on government property that says “WARNING: The city of Bamako is politically incorrect. We say: Eid Mubarak, Allah Bless Mali, and In Allah We Trust. We salute our troops and our flag. If this offends you… LEAVE!” Would you feel comfortable living there? Or would you feel like your beliefs & values were being undermined by the majority?

What a lot of people don’t understand is that it’s not always about what random people say in daily life. If someone tells me Merry Christmas, I’m going to say thank you and move on with my day. Even if I didn’t celebrate Christmas, I would realize this person was just trying to be nice and spread Christmas cheer. I believe that’s the way most people see this issue. For instance, I had a professor in my last semester of college who was Jewish. Right after graduation, I was still working as a server at a restaurant. That professor and his two kids came to my restaurant, and surprised to see them, I served them. At the end of the meal, the professor’s small daughter told me “Happy Hanukkah!” Now, I don’t celebrate Hanukkah, but do you know what I said back? “Happy Hanukkah to you too, sweetie!” While I realize that’s not really comparable, because Christianity is the majority in the U.S, while Judaism is the minority, this is the best comparison I can give.

But the issue doesn’t lie there. The issue lies in the government or any government personnel pushing an agenda of Christianity on everyone in this country, forgetting about religious freedom and separation of church & state. It’s the issue of sheriff speaking for an entire community, putting a sign on government property that essentially asserts that any visitors or residents will not be accepted in the county if they do not prescribe to that county’s collective religious beliefs. It’s essentially telling them that their differences will not be respected there. It’s an issue of a company being persecuted by Christians who believe they have a right to drink their morning beverages from cups that have emblems of their religious holiday plastered all over it, while completely ignoring people with different beliefs. It’s an issue of a man who hopes to hold the highest office that this country has, who is saying whatever he wants, no matter how prejudiced, bigoted, or just plain rude, thus pushing an agenda to allow the people of the majority to be openly misogynistic, racist, religionist, and homophobic without any consequences. It’s saying things that you know might be hurtful or rude to another person. Try going up to your boss at work & saying exactly what you think of him/her, and let me know how that works out for you. Every other human being in this world deserves just as much respect as your boss does, even if other people can’t fire you from your job.

It’s about respect. THAT is what political correctness is. It’s admitting that you are not the only person in this world, and your religion is no better or more deserving than that of anyone else in this country. It’s speaking and acting in a manner that says “I may not agree with you, but I respect you as an equal.” This particularly refers to the government and the way they treat people that are not apart of the majority. However, everyone can practice political correctness. It doesn’t mean that you have to tip-toe around overly sensitive people’s feelings. It’s the basic respect and manners that I know all of your mothers taught you growing up. It’s doing what we’ve been doing our entire lives thus far, and NOT listening to an outrageous presidential candidate who wants to take us back to a time when minority religious persecution was an everyday norm.

By the way, so everyone is clear, a lot of people are upset about the idea of political correctness and think it will destroy America, because they think political correctness’s advocates want to destroy their freedom of speech. No one is calling for that right to be taken away. We are just requesting that everyone be more mindful & respectful of other people. You do and always will have your right to be as rude & bigoted as you want, no matter how many times we ask you to be nice. It’s your choice which side you want to be on.

 This is what we are fighting against.

This is Sheriff Jolley, the man who abused his power to put this sign on government grounds.

#101: ‘Tis the Season to Be Greedy, Fa-La-La-La-La-La-La-La-La

Ok, I know I failed to upload this blog entry before Thanksgiving, but at least this is coming just in time for Christmas! I have been saying things about this topic since I was a teenager, but I think this is the first year that other people have shared the same concerns. So I’m talking about forcing retail workers to work on major family holidays, such as Thanksgiving & Christmas. There seem to be two opinions surrounding this, and they are at opposite extremes: 1. Retail stores shouldn’t be open on big family holidays, so retail workers don’t have to work & miss time with family and 2. I want to shop on Thanksgiving, and no one is going to stop me. But I think there’s more to this issue than just that. Since I love alternate perspectives, as you know if you’ve read my blog before, I’m going to offer up an alternate perspective on this issue, as well as a few potential consensuses.

The issue here is that people are saying it’s wrong for retail stores to be open on big family holidays, forcing their workers to work & miss time with their families. A lot of people are asking everyone to refrain from shopping on these holidays, so the companies’ doors will close due lack of demand. Some are even asking that we boycott these companies year-round, because it’s not of good moral compass to force workers to work on big family holidays. This is definitely a noble cause in essence. People are offering rebuttals on the pretense that these workers know what they are getting into when they take the job, and that they are paid double-time for their work on holidays. These people are even making fun, stating that everyone would have a cow if doctors & cops did not work on holidays. And of course, the group that is against retailers opening their doors on these holidays has a counter-rebuttal for these: 1. Yes, people know about the store’s policies before they start working there, but that doesn’t make it ok. They take the job, because they need it, and another opportunity may not be immediately available to them. People take jobs that remove money for taxes, but not everyone is ok with that happening. A lot of people hate paying taxes for certain things, but they really have no choice in the matter, since they have to have a job. If life’s struggles get a person down, that is essentially forced compliance; 2. Stating that all stores pay their workers double-time if they are open on a major holiday is a gross assumption. A lot of stores don’t offer any kind of extra monetary incentives but still force their workers to miss time with their family to do what they do every single day of their lives. Also, even if they are getting paid double-time, that doesn’t excuse the situation. You can’t put a price on family time & rest; and 3. No one is arguing that doctors & cops have to work on holidays. That is a necessary evil. This is a matter of need vs. greed. Retail stores don’t NEED to be open on holidays. They are greedy & want to rake in as much money as they can, at their workers’ expense, all the while paying them poorly. (Even if they are being paid double-time, they still probably aren’t making much.)

Now, here’s my thing. For the most part, I agree with this, but there’s something else that kind of makes me re-think my stance. What about the workers who really NEED to work? They are practically paid slave wages, so I can imagine there are some people who genuinely can’t take a day off work. It’s a sad truth. Lots of people don’t care about the holidays as much as most people do, and lots of people aren’t close to their families. Lots of people live far away from their families, and some people don’t even have family. Not everyone celebrates the big, popular holidays in the U.S, because they aren’t Christians or aren’t from here, so they don’t prescribe to U.S. norms. Some people do work double-time on holidays and like that incentive. Last Christmas, I had to go inside a gas station for something on Christmas day. I felt bad about it, so I told the worker I was sorry he had to work on Christmas. He said he was happy to be there, because he was getting paid double-time. Some people are more than happy to work for extra money, even on holidays. Who am I to demand that we take away these workers’ pay days? I mean, when I worked retail, we were all stepping all over each other to be the one who had the day off on holidays, and none of the stores I ever worked at offered any extra money incentives on big holidays, so I ended up quitting like 2 jobs before the holidays, just because I wanted to see my family instead. But that was several years ago, and times change. Every place is different too – every city, every store. Personally, I hate the idea of forcing workers to work on holidays, so I choose to refrain from shopping on holidays, but I’m not going to push an agenda of boycotting stores year-round, because they are open on major holidays. I’m not going to yell & scream & make a fuss over a store being open on Thanksgiving. It is my personal opinion that it is greedy for them to do that, but if someone wants to work on Christmas, let him/her work!

So here are some compromises I’m offering to companies who want to stay open on major holidays: 1. Give workers a choice. Ask all of your workers ahead of time if they want to be open on major holidays. Give them an extra monetary incentive, and let them decided by vote. If enough people agree to work, then open your doors, and let the workers who voted to open the doors work, while the workers who voted not to work have the day off with family. If not enough people want to work, then close the doors; 2. Make sure you, at the very least, let workers know you are planning to be open on major holidays when you hire them, and get their verbal or written confirmation that they understand and agree to this. A lot of companies won’t even tell you anything until the holiday rolls around. I worked for a restaurant that normally closed at 10pm. I was on the schedule to work New Years Eve, and I figured they would be open, but no one told me until a few days before, that we were going to be open for extended hours on New Years Eve – until something like 2am. That was not ok with me, because I already had plans for the night, and I just don’t think it’s right to not tell your workers this pertinent information beforehand; and 3. Take into account your workers’ beliefs & values. If you are going to be open on a major holiday, and someone genuinely wants the day off, you should give it to them. If enough people want the holiday off, then refer back to #1.

Everyone deserves a holiday, but everyone also deserves to work if they have an opportunity and want to take it. I think it’s just as awful to force someone who wants to work on a major holiday to not be able to work, as it is to force someone who doesn’t want to work on a major holiday to work. It’s greedy for these companies to open their doors on major holidays, don’t get me wrong. They are not doing it to give their workers another opportunity to make money; they are doing it to put money in their own pockets. So that’s why I say, if you are, personally, against shopping on major holidays, like I am, then don’t do it! Boycotting a company year-round for their choice to be open on major holidays is a bit silly, and screaming from the hilltops how much you deplore companies for forcing their workers to work on major holidays is annoying. Since there is no right or wrong answer here when you think about both side of the story, just focus on yourself. Don’t shop on Christmas if you don’t believe in doing that. Other than that, just focus on pushing stores to adhere to the compromises I offered above.