#107: The Paradox of Tolerance

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m big on fighting for the rights of the underdog, whether that person is black, Hispanic, Muslim, gay, transgender, a woman, etc. A lot of people don’t know why I care so much. I’m white, so I’m on top. Shouldn’t that make me happy? Or even if it doesn’t make me happy, why should it make me mad? Meanwhile, I’m over here wondering why it doesn’t make everyone mad – no matter who you are. I have been approached by multiple people (and even if it hasn’t been me that has been approached personally, I have seen it happen in front of me,) who contend that I am intolerant of intolerant people. They say I preach tolerance, but I need to tolerate people who hold different opinions, or else I am going against what I am preaching. So I’m here to explain to everyone what exactly I am preaching when I ask people to be tolerant of others.

When I ask you to be tolerant, I’m asking you to tolerate the existence of people in this world that are of a different race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, ability, & sex than you. I am asking you to be kind to your Muslim neighbor who has never said a rude thing to you. I am asking you to be civil to the black guy at work who has always been a stand-up employee. I’m asking you to give basic respect to the woman who asked you to stop grabbing her backside at the club. I’m asking you to leave that gay teenager alone & stop yelling at him for his “lifestyle choice.” I am asking you to tolerate the existence of people who are different from you & just live your own life the way you choose to live it.

That is a whole lot different than you asking me to tolerate your racism. To these people who have told me I need to tolerate them for their beliefs, I now speak directly to you. I tolerate you for believing that marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman.  I tolerate you for believing that all other religions are inferior to yours, because according to you, your religion is the “true” religion. I tolerate you for only being attracted to people with your same skin color. I am tolerant of you for your general opinions and attributes that make us different. I think everyone should be. What I do NOT tolerate are your actions & speech that are meant to oppress marginalized groups of people. I will NOT tolerate you spitting on a random person who appears to be Muslim. I will NOT tolerate you disowning your daughter for choosing a male gender identity. I will NOT tolerate you using racial slurs on social media. I will NOT tolerate you voting for a presidential candidate who pushes for the eradication of an entire race of people or religious group from our country. I can tolerate you for your beliefs & opinions without tolerating your actions & speech, and I should NOT be expected to tolerate your blatant acts & speech affiliated with racism, xenophobia, islamophobia, homophobia, sexism, etc. toward other human beings.

We are not talking about your opinion on your favorite food, your favorite color, or where you like to buy your jeans. We are talking about how you affect other people with your actions & speech. We are talking about you participating in & perpetuating the oppression of other human beings. And we aren’t even talking about your personal opinions of other people; we are talking about the way you treat them. Would you have told Matthew Sheppard to tolerate his bullies, who ended up murdering him over his sexual orientation? Would you have told Martin Luther King, Jr. to tolerate the racists who wanted to keep him from getting his basic human rights? Would you tell that Muslim girl on the train to tolerate the man yelling islamophobic slurs at her? Then WHY would you ask me to tolerate the nasty, terrible way that you treat and talk about other people based on silly things, such as their race.

I’ll give you an example. My best friend is a Christian. I am not. I’m sure she thinks her religion is superior to others, because she believes Christianity is the only “true” religion, and I know she isn’t happy that I do not consider myself a Christian. But she respects people of other religions, and she respects me for my lack of religion. She believes marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman. I do not. And even though this is her belief, I have known her to have several gay friends. THIS is tolerance. She tolerates people of different religions & sexual orientations, even though she doesn’t believe it’s right to believe in a religion other than hers, or that it’s right for a man to love another man. She also tolerates me for holding opposite beliefs. In turn, I tolerate her beliefs in Christianity and “traditional marriage.” But if she ever persecuted non-Christians or LGBTQ+ people, I would NOT tolerate that, nor should I be expected to. Thankfully I don’t have to worry about her doing that, because she is a decent human being, and that’s why she’s my best friend.

As soon as you start to tolerate intolerant people, you are exhibiting cowardice. You are neglecting to fight for what you believe in & stand up for the oppressed. That is the paradox of tolerance! You can not tolerate people who oppress others or spew hatred; you can only tolerate normal people who are just living their own lives & not bothering anyone. That’s what bugs me so much about people who say “Well, you preach tolerance, but you only mean you should tolerate people who agree with you.” No. That’s not it at all. If you are spewing hatred, no one is required to tolerate that or listen to it. But we are required to be decent, civil human beings to people who have not hurt us in any way, but just happen to be a different race, religion, etc. than we are.

Why is this important to get out there? Because your actions & speech have more impact than you probably think. There are gay teens listening to your hate speech & committing suicide. Two men listened to Donald Trump spew his hatred toward Mexicans, and it inspired them to beat up & urinate on a homeless Mexican man. Hate crimes & suicide happen all the time, and it originates from people who are not tolerant of others, so they take that intolerance and turn it into speech & actions that affect everyone else in the most repulsive ways. So no, I will NOT tolerate your intolerance.

 Affect.*

No.