#90: Minimum Skills Required

I’ve seen too many Facebook rants about this that I have to offer up a different side to the following argument. People are so quick to jump to the idea that we should NOT raise the minimum working wage, which is currently $7.25 per hour in Georgia (federal minimum wage.) Some people argue that they would rather see us make the U.S. dollar worth more, rather than raising the minimum wage, because if we raise the minimum wage, that will make store owners raise prices on everything they sell, which will cause a lot of people to not be able to afford anything besides the necessities, which will inevitably cause a drop (and maybe even a collapse) of the economy, and a lot of businesses will have to shut down. However, I think people need to get some perspective on what it is like to work a minimum wage job and realize that $7.25 per hour simply isn’t enough to live off of. And apparently, a lot of people don’t believe it should be. However, if your parents have always paid for your education and supported you throughout your life until you got a “real job,” or if you were working age 20+ years ago when the economy was doing a lot better than it is now, then it’s very easy for you to jump to the argument that people who work minimum wage jobs should just “get a real job," that they will always work for minimum wage if they have "minimum skills," that they do not deserve a living wage, or that they are just lazy.

The federal minimum wage has barely changed since the 1980s, but inflation has skyrocketed since then. We have always adjusted wages to account for inflation in the past, and there have never been any problems with it. As a matter of fact, it helps the economy. The more money people get paid, the more money they spend, thus boosting the economy, which we desparately need right now. According to Huffpost Business, a study conducted in 2013 revealed that, if the minimum wage was adjusted according to 2012 inflation, then it would be $10.52/hr. According to the same study, if the minimum wage were adjusted according to increased productivity, it would be $21.72/hr! Back in the 1960s, it was normal for people in their early 20s to be able to buy a house while living on two low-middle incomes. Now people are living with their parents into their late 20s/early 30s. It's not because they are lazy; it's because life is much harder, and money is scarce.

If you think that the economy will fail, because businesses will have to shut down if we raise the minimum wage, that simply has not been the trend, if we are going by what has happened in the past. Up until the 1980s, we have always completely adjusted the minimum wage according to inflation, and the economy has never failed. On the contrary, it has always put more money back into the economy. The economy is in the toilet now for completely different reasons. And we could actually pay less in taxes, because paying people a living wage will get them off of welfare, which I know opposers of the minimum wage rise will love to hear. You can't keep wages inhumanely low AND not have people on government assistance, so which one are you willing to give, so you don't have to give the other one?

And of course, a lot of people are worried about how prices will increase if the minimum wage increases. A new study shows that, if we increase the minimum wage to $15/hr, then a Big Mac that normally costs $3.99 will cost $4.16. This is a mere 0.17 cent increase. (Check out the article here: http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2015/08/03/3687171/15-minimum-wage-big-mac/.) And a lot of people, including myself, are not calling for that big of an increase in the minimum wage. I think the minimum wage would be just fine if it were between $10-12/hr.

Here’s what I’m trying to get you guys to think about and gain perspective on: It’s not as simple as you think to just be able to go out and get a high-paying corporate job. Step out of your little bubble for a single second, and try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. I’m going to give you some examples of people who haven’t had it as easy as you probably have, and maybe you’ll see why some people are stuck in minimum wage jobs, or at least for awhile:

Example #1: Juan is a Mexican-born 18-year-old man whose parents brought him to the United States when he was 3 years old. America is all he’s ever known, but his parents don’t even speak English, and they have always worked minimum wage jobs under the table. His parents have never told him about what he could be or do in the future. They’ve never built him up to dream and shoot for the stars. They’ve always told him that all he’ll ever be is a low-life cashier working for minimum wage. Juan has a chance to break away from this, but it’s not so easy when this is all he's ever known. And it’s extremely difficult when all Juan has is a high school education and no money to go to college. His parents can’t help him, and he never worked toward anything that could get him any scholarships when he was in high school, because his parents never pushed him in school or told him how important education is. He can’t get college loans unless he has someone to cosign on the loan with him, since he is young and doesn’t make enough money. His parents don’t make enough money to cosign on the loans, and they are in the United States illegally, so they have no credit either. Juan has no one to back him up or help him out, so he has to do it all on his own. So maybe Juan decides he’s going to work a job as many hours as he can until he can get some money together for school. Or maybe he’s going to work a job until he’s old enough and has enough good credit to sign for his own college loans. Guess what kind of job he qualifies for while he works his way toward getting himself into college? A minimum wage job.

Example #2: Emily’s parents believe you should be responsible and do your own thing as soon as you turn 18 or graduate high school. When she graduates high school, her parents kick her out of the house. She has no money, and she has to get an apartment of her own and get a job, neither of which she has ever had on her own. She is young and has no money, so where does she go? Probably a minimum wage job, since she has no college education. Maybe her parents agree to cosign on college loans for her so she can get herself into college. But she takes some extra time getting through college since she has to work full time and pay for everything herself. How is a college student supposed to work off of $7.25 per hour and support herself while she makes her way through school? I believe this is the most common scenario we see, and this is very similar to what my scenario was when I was working minimum wage jobs.

Example #3: Nina was a great student in high school, but she made one mistake when she was 16 years old, and she got pregnant. She was only a child herself when she made one mistake that shaped the rest of her life. Maybe she even used protection, just like all the other girls in school. She did the same thing they did, but she was the unlucky one who slipped through the cracks. Her baby ended up being her greatest joy in the world, but it set her way back, because now she has to not only pay to take care of herself and put herself through school, but she has to take care of a child too. She gets little help from her parents, and the father doesn’t want anything to do with her or the baby. Maybe she can get court-ordered child support from the father, but she gets no help from him other than financial help. And they are 16 years old, so how much financial help could the father offer anyway? So where does Nina work? Probably a minimum wage job, since she doesn’t even have a high school diploma yet, let alone a college degree.

So take a moment to think about how fortunate you have been. Hopefully none of the scenarios above describes you. If your parents have supported you in everything you’ve done, that’s blessing #1. If your parents have paid for you to go all the way through college, or have at least contributed in some way, that’s blessing #2. And the root of it all: If your parents taught you to shoot for the stars and that you can do anything if you put your mind to it, count that as the most important blessing they could’ve ever given you. A lot of people aren’t so lucky.

Think about the kids who are thrown into this minimum wage bull crap. Think about the woman who accidentally gets pregnant and has no money or education. Let's say the father has nothing to do with her or the baby. Think about that poor baby who has to grow up in squalor, never knowing when or where his next meal will come from. Think about that poor kid who knows what his mom is doing with all those men who come into the apartment. And all this, just so that poor baby has some food to eat tonight.


We all know what happens when there is a huge population under the poverty line. Squalor. Crime. Racism. Abuse. Unhappiness. Suicide. Prostitution. Do you like any of these things? Well, that's what happens when people work their butts off at a job that doesn't yield enough money to get by, at the very least. We have seen, time and time again, that workers who are paid well do better at their jobs, feel appreciated, strive for more, and have better self-esteem. This is the recipe for greatness. People don't take their jobs seriously or work hard when they aren't valued and can just go across the street and get paid just as poorly there if they lose their first job. So think about what comes from treating people like scum, whether you believe they're scum or not. I'm not saying we should raise the minimum wage to $20 per hour or something incredible like that. But hard working people who maintain at least some sort of full time job should never have to worry about whether their babies are getting enough to eat or not.

A lot of people claim that minimum wage jobs are meant for high school students who need to learn work ethic and need extra spending money, but these jobs are NOT meant for anyone past high school. And they believe that, if you’ve made a minimum wage job your career, then you’re a failure. This is simply not true. Did you know that 88% of people who work on minimum wage are 20+ years old? The average age of minimum wagers is 35. All kinds of people work minimum wage jobs, and it’s because, at least for the time being, they can’t get anything better. I worked my way through college at a minimum wage job until I finally found a serving job my last semester of college that yielded more money than minimum wage. Are you telling me I’m a failure, because I had to work a minimum wage job while I put my own self through college without any outside help, all the while paying for my own housing and food? (By the way, this didn't last very long before minimum wage simply wasn't enough, and I had to seek help from my grandparents.) I agree that people should shoot for more than minimum wage jobs in the long run, but these jobs are meant for people who can’t get anything better for the time being, particularly while they’re in school. So think twice before judging someone’s situation and why they’re working a minimum wage job.

Also, think about how hard it is to survive on minimum wage, if you're in a situation that forces you to work off minimum wage, even if it's temprary, and maybe realize that $7.25 per hour simply isn’t enough for someone to survive. And even if you think no one should “make a career out of a minimum wage job,” the point is that some people do. And even if you don’t think it’s something people should do, not everyone can go to college and work swanky corporate jobs. Some people don't have the brain capacity or the talent, and some people have mental or phyisical health problems that hold them back. The fact is we NEED cashiers. We NEED food preps. We NEED servers and bartenders and cooks and bus drivers and warehouse workers and countless other people who make the world go round. Do you think we have enough high schoolers to fill those jobs? No. So the best we can do is take care of our hard workers. And as long as there are billionaires in this world, I will NEVER believe that it’s ok to pay workers $7.25 per hour, which by the way, ends up being about $5-6 per hour after taxes are taken out. But no matter what your idea of a solution for this problem is, try to break out of your little bubble and see things through other people’s eyes, and realize that not everyone has had as easy of a life as you probably have.

Now think about it this way. How many people in the nation want to go to school but don't due to lack of funds? A LOT. If we paid our workers better, then more people would be able to afford school and become educated. Don't we want more educated people in our nation? If people don't see education as an option, because it's so expensive, then people don't even try, and they get stuck at their minimum wage jobs. Furthermore, an ungodly low minimum wage makes the poverty level even deeper. It pushes tons more people even farther down below the poverty line, while a few people remain at the top of the pyramid. This particularly affects blacks and Latinos, perpetuating the divide between the races. We should distribute this money a little more evenly, don't you think? Yes, people who work extremely hard to make it all the way to the top and do a lot of good for the world should definitely make a lot of money, but I don't think it would hurt them very much for them to sacrifice a fraction of what they make so that millions of other hard working people can earn a living wage. Billionaires have, I'm sure, worked very hard to get to where they are, but I can tell, I've never seen someone work harder than someone working on a low wage. At my old job, there was a lady who is in her 70s and working 70+ hours a week at 2 very strenuous, bodily-taxing jobs. .

Yes, people who make minimum wage and don't have a college education and haven't worked toward high skills should definitely be paid a low wage, but $7.25 per hour is not even close to that. It's a slave wage that no one can live off of. Paying workers a wage that low while the dollar is practically worthless in this economy is like telling someone they don't even deserve to eat or have a roof over their head. Yes, these people deserve a low wage if they are working a job that literally anyone could work, but they, for sure, deserve more than $7.25 per hour.They deserve just enough money to be able to afford a very small place to live with a roommate or two, as well enough food to fill them up

Look, there will always be lazy people in the world. You can't fix lazy. There will be people who never aspire to be anything more than a cashier. Maybe that comes from their upbringing, or maybe they just don't care about life, or maybe they are just lazy. I don't know. I've never been one of these people. But there are far more hard-working Americans than lazy ones, if you ask me. And if you hold up a full-time job, then in my opinion, you're not lazy. It would be cool if you would aspire to be more and shoot for that dream, but to each his own. If you're apart of the working poor, and you give your entire life to a job, then you deserve to earn enough money to survive. That's how most Americans are anyway. They work very hard with not much to show for it. Yes, some people are lazy and barely do anything with their lives. But this small number of people shouldn't ruin it for everyone. Let's stop worrying so much about our precious billions of dollars and start being a little more generous to people who work just as hard as we do but haven't quite made it to the top yet. It's for the greater good anyway if we want to rid the world of poverty and crime, give more children a chance at a better life, and get our country educated.

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

Wow!

 It makes sense that, if we raise prices on everything else, we should probably raise the minimum wage.

 A lot of people agree that we should increase minimum wage.

 Sorry for the profanity if it offends you, but this is a really good point.

 I can't believe anyone would ever argue against a higher wage for one person, just because someone else's wage is not high. Fight for both of them to earn what they are worth! This kind of thinking isn't helping anyone. It's not going to help the paramedic if the hamburger-flipper doesn't get $15/hr. Now, instead of at least one of them having a better life, now neither of them got anything, and it's all because of jealousy and greed.

#89: Let's Dine Out Tonight!

I’ve been thinking about writing this entry for awhile now,and now that I’m no longer a server and have my college degree and am awaiting bigger and better things in my future, I feel like I can go ahead and write about this without feeling a little guilty, like I’m complaining about my job.This is not meant to be a complaint. Even though a lot of restaurants, if not all of them to be honest, are corrupt, don’t treat their employees well, and are difficult jobs to keep, I still believe that dining out is supposed to be a nice experience. It is perfect for all kinds of occasions – job interviews,birthdays, family gatherings, reunions of old friends, and dates. I think dining out is an important part of our culture, and that people need to know how to do it properly. Yes, there is a proper way to dine out, and everyone should be taught how to act at a restaurant before going out. Personally, I believe every young person needs to hold a job at a restaurant before ever going out at a restaurant, because we can tell our teenagers all I want about my past experiences as a server, but they will never really understand it until they experience it themselves and depend on the income from that job for their rent and food. I remember taking a party of 25 middle school kids who only had one adult with them, and everyone wanted separate checks. Those kids were not told by their parents that they needed to tip me. The woman that was chaperoning them tipped me $4 on her $40 tab, and I did not receive any kind of tip from any of the children. In full, that tab was probably $200 or $300, and I made $4 off of them. And since my tip out off that tab was more than $2 or$3, depending on how high the tab was, I only actually went home with $2 or $3 from them. So honestly, I also believe people should not dine out until they are of a certain age as well. But, hey, all I can do is make sure my future children don’t dine out at the age of 13 and teach them how to act at restaurants. Other than that, there’s really nothing I can do about anyone else’skids. My only other hope is to write this blog entry and share my experiences with you guys. So, if you want to get an idea of how you are supposed to act when you dine out, check out the list below. You may be surprised at some things you unintentionally do without thinking about it when you dine out. Since your dining out experience begins even before you walk in the door of the restaurant, I’ll start there.

1. Before you even arrive at the restaurant, get it worked out in your head how much you intend to spend and on your food AND the tip. Go ahead and add the tip into your budget. If you only want to spend $25,remember that you need to only spend about $20 on food so that you can afford to give a good tip. It’s not difficult. If you can afford a nice meal out,instead of a cheap meal that you buy at the grocery store, then you can afford to treat your server as nicely as he or she treats you. And if you go to a different country, learn the tipping norms there before dining out!

2. As soon as you walk in the door, make sure to check in at the hostess stand. DO NOT SEAT YOURSELF. There is almost always a sign at the front of the restaurant that says “Please wait to be seated.” That sign is there for a reason. (Some restaurants have a sign that says “Please seat yourself,” so obviously, it’s ok to seat yourself at those restaurants,but there are not many of those.) If you are at a legitimate restaurant, you are most definitely expected to wait to be seated. The hostess is there for a reason. Her job is to keep a rotation going for her servers. That way each server gets the same number of tables, so no server gets all the tables, while other servers don’t get any. Furthermore, the hostess’s job is to let the server know when he/she has gotten a table. If you come in and seat yourself, and the server is not constantly walking back and forth near your table, he/she might not realize you are there. This is especially true when it’s very busy, because then there are so many tables of people, it’s hard to tell when a new one comes in. So do everyone a favor and check in with the hostess. I would not walk into your house, not greet you, and go sit where ever I feel like sitting, so don’t go into someone’s place of work and do the same.

3. Try not to be picky about where you sit. This isn’t a must, but it is courteous to just sit where the hostess puts you. It annoys the hostess when she walks all the way to a table to sit you, and then you decide that table is not up to your standards. It is a waste of her time to deal with that. If you have a specific preference, tell her from the beginning.But the best thing to do is just sit where she puts you. Like I said before,restaurants have a rotation going so that every server has the same number of tables. This makes it fair for all the servers, and it keeps one server from being sat with three tables in a row and getting overwhelmed while other servers don’t get anything. You will survive without your precious booth! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a section with no booths or just 1 or 2 booths, and no one wants to sit at a table, so I didn’t make any money on those nights, while other servers with better section made bank and were worked to death on the same night I was bored out of my mind the whole night. There is no need to be so picky over something so silly as the table you eat at. I go to a restaurant to eat food, so as long as I get my food, I’m happy! And for the love of God, once you have sat down and gotten drinks and gotten your experience started, do NOT request to move tables, especially not to another server’s section. If you do, you have just wasted ten minutes of the first server’s time, as she will then have to transfer you to another server in the computer system, which is a pain and can upset the first table over her lost time and effort that she will not be tipped for.

4. Be patient for your server to greet your table.She has other tables, and the hostess may not have notified her she has a table. Also, it is possible that another server is going home, and they are in the process of changing sections, so it may take a few minutes for anyone to know who is supposed to be your server. Calm down, and check out the menu for a few minutes.

5. Do NOT talk on your cell phone while at your table, and definitely do not expect your server to take your order or even approach your table to greet you before you put that cell phone down. That is so rude, and the server can't get anything accomplish or ask you what you need or how the food is if you are too busy talking on the phone with someone else. Now, when your server approaches the table,LISTEN TO HIM/HER. Your server has a name. She will tell you her name, and it is only courteous to use it and try to remember it for the night if possible.She also has a schpeel to tell you upon greeting you. She will likely ask you how you are doing, tell you her name, and maybe even tell you some specials going on or new drinks or appetizers you might be interested in. Even if you don’t care about this, it is only courteous to let her get through the schpeel.When she arrives at the table, it is very rude for you to look up at her and just say “Diet coke.” Servers are people too. Server, not servant. Be kind. Be courteous. Do not be rude. Also, once she is done with her schpeel, you need to IMMEDIATELY tell her if you’re in a hurry. If you are, she will make sure you are out the door in time for your movie, but if you don’t, she will assume you are there for a leisurely meal, like most other people are, and you can’t blame her for that.

6. Again, be patient with your server. Furthermore,cooperate with her. If she comes to your table and asks if you’re ready to order, and you are not ready, she is probably going to give you a good while to figure out what you want, because she doesn’t want to keep bothering you when you’re obviously not in any hurry. So do NOT get angry or impatient and expect your server to be at your table immediately when you make your decision on what to eat. Also, realize that, if you order drinks from the bar, your server is waiting on the bartender to make your drinks before she can bring them to you. It is not necessarily your server’s fault if your drinks take a couple minutes to make. Be patient! You are there to relax and have a good time, so just relax. And if you tell the server you are ready to order, you better seriously be ready to order. The menu will say if your food comes with a side or 2 sides or a soup/salad or whatever. Know exactly what you want before you order. Most entrees come with at least one side of your choice! Look for the sides, soups, and salads on the menu, and know which one you want before you take up your server's time when ordering your food. The menu will also say how you can have things cooked. If I ask you, how do you want your fish cooked? Just tell me something. Don't stare blankly at me. What do you want? Fried? Grilled? Blackened? What? The menu says right there that you get a choice of fried, grilled, or blackened fish. This should not come as a surprise. If I ask you how you want your steak cooked, this is a common question. Do not stare blankly at me and tell me you don't know. If you are dining out with a small child, do not tell your server you are ready, begin ordering your food, and then look at your child and ask him what he wants. He is a small child. He will look at you and have no clue what to say if you haven't already previously discussed this with him. Children take just as much, if not more, time to look at a menu and figure out what they want to eat as you do. Also they are young, so they need your help and guidance when looking at the menu, especially if they can't read it yet. They can't just come up with an answer. They don't know what the restaurant has! Don't sit there and say "What do you want? Chicken fingers? A hamburger? A fish sandwich? What do you want? Ok, a corndog? Cool. Now what side do you want? French fries? Macaroni? Broccoli?" Meanwhile, the kid is looking at you with a blank stare on his face and not answering. Your server doesn't get paid enough to stand there and waste her time listening to a full on conversation about what your child might or might not want to eat while she has other tables to tend to. If you say you're ready to order, that means you and your whole table should know EXACTLY what they want to order, and you need to keep it short and sweet so other tables don't become angry with the server for not being at their table for such a long time. Also, do not cut off someone else to order your own food. Don't order your food until your server looks at you or directly asks you what want to order. Most likely, when someone orders something, the server has a question about how that person wants their food cooked, what kind of sauces they require, etc. So don't cut off your server or your dining out companion from their order until you are sure they are done ordering their food.

7. Do not order your food at different times. It’s actually best you order all your drinks at the same time too, but at the very least, do not order food all at different times. There is an order for things:First, if you are not drinking alcohol, then order your drinks. If you are drinking alcohol, then either order your waters and your alcoholic drink, or just order you waters while you check out the alcoholic drink menu. Then, if you haven’t yet, order your alcoholic drink. Then order your appetizer. Then order your food. When your server approaches the table, don’t immediately say “Chicken sandwich with fries.” She needs to get your drinks first. If you already know what you want to eat, and everyone else at the table does too, then give her your drink orders, and then tell her you’re ready to order your food whenever she is ready. Pay attention. If your server is going around the table taking drink orders, don’t look up when she gets to you and say “Chicken sandwich with fries.” Everyone will look at you funny, you’ll make yourself look silly, and you will annoy your server.

8. I guess this will be the miscellaneous section. Talk to your server. Joke with her. Listen to her. Every time she comes to the table, stop talking, and listen to what she has to say. Cooperate with her. She is there to help you, make your experience fun, and converse with you. Also, you will notice I call them “servers.” Do not call them “waiter” or “waitress.” Those are degrading names, even though you may not realize it. The proper term is “server.” Furthermore, do not make a huge ungodly mess, and do not let your children do that. Do not let your children run around and scream like hoodlums. They should never stand up on their seat or walk around the restaurant getting in servers' way. Keep them under control. Also, it is recommended that you do not bug your server about turning air conditioning up or down, or turning the lights up or down. She is very busy, and these are the kinds of things that can put her way behind and put her in the weeds. She wants to make your stay comfortable, but this is a ridiculous request. What you're doing is asking to change the temperature in the restaurant based on your own needs without regards to the needs of 100 other people in the restaurant. That's not fair. Besides, I would never go to your house and request you turn the air conditioning down for me. Servers run around like crazy and get hot and sweaty. They need the air to be flowing a little colder than normal. So if you are one of those people who is not very adaptable to multiple temperatures, then bring a jacket with you when you dine out. I keep a jacket in my car at all times, just as a rule of thumb. This has served me well in the past.

9. Don’t assume your server can read your mind. Be very clear when telling her what you want. One time, I had a table, and a customer asked me “Do you have any grouper?” I said, “Yes, we do, and we can cook it any way you like it.” She just left it at that, didn’t say anything else about the grouper, and said she wanted a fried green tomato appetizer. I asked her if she wanted that as her meal, and she said yes. Then her husband ordered a chicken sandwich as his meal. I put the order in, I brought it to the table,I asked if everything looked right, they said yes, and they ate it. Then a few minutes into the meal, I checked in with them and asked if everything tasted right, and the lady looked up at me and said, “Is that grouper coming any time soon?” I asked her what she meant, and she told me she had ordered “The Grouper.”No, she had not. All she had done was inquire about whether or not we carried grouper in house. So I told her, “Ma’am, I did not realize you were trying to order any grouper, and we do not carry anything by the name of ‘The Grouper.’We have grouper sandwiches, fried grouper baskets, etc. But you have to choose which you want, how you want it cooked, and what side you would like to order with it.” This is what I’m talking about when I say you need to be very clear,because you’re server is not a mind-reader. Also, when she asks you if your food looks right upon dropping it at your table, it is your job to tell her if something seems wrong. (For example, you have to tell her if you’re missing something.)

10. Remember that the cooks in the restaurant are doing the best they can. They are very busy, and it may take quite awhile for them to make your food, as you are not the only customer in the restaurant. Do not harass your server about when your food will be out. SHE DOES NOT KNOW. She has a lot to do for all her tables, and she does not have time to go to the kitchen and harass the cooks about giving you special treatment and getting your food out faster. If you do not have at least an hour to eat, then you should eat at home or go to a fast food restaurant, not a real restaurant.Furthermore, being very hungry is definitely not a valid reason to harass your server. Everyone is hungry. That is why they are at the restaurant. Be patient.

11. When your server drops off the food, like I said before, it is your job to tell her if you’re missing something, if the food does not look right, or if you need anything (examples: extra napkins, sauces,etc.) Try to come up with everything at one time and tell it to your server atone time. Do not tell her to get you something, then tell her you want something else when she comes back with the first thing, and then tell her something else when she comes back with the second thing. Your server is busy.Do not run her. And preferably, think of what you might need before your food arrives, and tell her when you order your food. If you always use malt vinegar for your fish, or A1 sauce for your burger, then tell her beforehand, so she has time to get it for you before you have your food and want to eat it immediately. That is a small window of time for her to get something for you,and she is probably very busy. Recognize when your server is extremely busy, and leave her alone as much as you can. And if she does not perform optimal services for you due to the fact that she is over-the-top outrageously busy, do not hold it against her and give her a bad tip. She is only human. It is not her fault there aren't enough servers on the floor. If she is getting her butt kicked, rather than tipping poorly, tip her extremely well. That will make her feel like all that work she just did was worth someone, and she will feel appreciated. Chances are, all her other customers tipped her poorly, so you don't want to add to that, do you? That can really make a server's day very depressing if no one sees her effort or appreciates it.

12. You are allowed to send back anything you don’t like, but it looks really bad and is a huge waste. Try not to send back food if at all possible. Your food doesn’t have to come our flawless to a T for you to enjoy it. I consider that a first world problem, and you’re wasting the restaurant’s money. That is the reason food prices at restaurants are so high.They have to account for all the food people mindlessly send back to go into the trash. And who eats the money from that wasted meal? The restaurant. That isn’t fair. So be careful about sending food back. Be sure the food is ruined before you send the food back. And if you want to send the food back, don’t wait for your server to read your mind and have another plate made for you or take that meal off your ticket. Tell her exactly what you want her to do in order to fix the problem. And if she can’t get you exactly what you want, it’s probably the manager’s doing, not hers. A server only has so much power. Also, if something is wrong with the food, tell your server IMMEDIATELY when you notice it, so she has a chance to fix the problem. I have had people tell me everything looks right, eat the whole plate of food, and then tell me something was wrong or missing from their plate and request to have the plate taken off their bill.This is not right. It’s not ok, and you can’t expect your server to take that off your bill. And if your server does not take it off your bill, do not blame her. It is the manager’s doing. No server ever has the power to take things off your bill without a manager’s approval. Nine times out of ten, when people have tried to pull this trick on me, they get angry when I can’t take the plate of their bill, and they have given me a terrible tip.

13. When you are finished with something, whether it is a cup, plate, or trash, sit it at the edge of the table closest to the server. She will get it out of your way. If you are going to stack things, which you can do if you'd like to be helpful, then stack them well! Don’t stack them so that the server is bound to drop everything all over the place when she attempts to pick them up. When you are done with your plates, put them on the edge of the table closest to your server. If you don’t want to do that, then at least make it easy for your server to take it out of your way. If she asks you to hand you your plate, don’t sit there and ignore her and talk to your friend across from you. Pay attention. Help her to help you. She can not always reach the plates herself, but she wants to get them out of your way, and if she doesn’t, she can get in trouble with management. Also, if your server brings you a refill in a new cup, if you are done with your old cup, immediately take your straw out of the old cup, put it in the new cup, and hand your server your old cup.

14. Now, once the bill comes to the table, your server will likely stand it up on the edge of the table. Do not pick it up,play with it, and set it down. This will confuse your server. If the booklet is lying flat on the table, that is supposed to mean there is a form of payment in the booklet, and that you are ready for her to come pick it up from you.

15. Finally, you may have read my blog entry about how tipping is a terrible system ("Dodger Logic #74: Tip Cows, Not Servers,") but this is the system that is in play right now, so we have to run with it. The best we can do now is to be a good tipper.That is how you ensure good service in the future. If you repeatedly go to a restaurant, every server there will know if you’re a bad tipper, and you will not receive good service. Furthermore, you may even find that, one day, no server at the restaurant will serve you. While it is not recommended, servers have the right to refuse to serve any table, by law. Even if you don’t care about this,you should tip well, because it’s the right thing to do. Sharing is caring. I wouldn’t go to your job and require a service from you, and then refuse to pay.You required a service from your server, and tipping is the way you pay her. She makes $2.13/hr, and every single bit of that goes to paying taxes on tips. So literally the money she makes in tips is her entire income. Furthermore, she has to tip out a certain amount of money from your tab to the bartender, busser, food runner, hostess, and sometimes even cooks and dishwashers. So you if you don’t tip her enough or at all, she actually loses money from serving you. Nowadays, the norm is to tip 20%. That is for good service. Make sure not to miscalculate the tip. Also make sure not to blame the server for things that are out of her control such as your food being cooked wrong, the food taking too long to get to you, and not taking something off your bill. (The latter is up to the manager, not the server. If the manager decides not to take something off your bill for you, that is not your server’s fault.) Do not be harsh when judging your server and tipping her based on those judgments. She works very hard for 14 hours straight, sometimes 6 or 7 days a week. If she made one mistake,it is not that big of a deal, especially if she fixed the mistake to the best of her ability. Here is what your tip says: 1. 20% or more – “We appreciate you making our experience great! You are a hard worker, and we enjoyed our time here.” 2. 18% - “You did a good job, and liked you, but you could’ve been a little bit better.” 3. “15% - We only gave you the minimum, because your service was not up to par, but we still believe you should be paid for your services”. 4. 10% or less – “You are terrible at your job, and you don’t even deserve to be able to afford a roof over your head or groceries to feed yourself. Go find something else to do, because serving isn’t your thing, and we hate you.” Believe it or not, your tip has a lot to do with your server’s happiness and self-esteem. It has less to do with the amount of money they receive from you, and more to do with the message you send with your tip.Furthermore, if you have something taken off your tab, you are still expected to tip as if that plate was still on your tab. Your server still brought that food for you. If you use a coupon or discount of some sort or gift card, you are still expected to tip off the original tab. You are also expected to tip on the total AFTER taxes are added. Don’t be stingy. It is my personal experience that what comes around goes around, so be good to everyone you come into contact with, no matter what! It will pay off in the end, and it’s simply the right thing to do. Oh! And also, realize that some places gratuitize 18% on parties of 6 or more, but not all places do. Check for that on your ticket when you get it. Don’t always leave it at 18%. You can add on top of that and should if your server was good to you. Do NOT be offended if you have been gratted.Servers get screwed out of tips all the time, so this is their way of making sure they don’t get screwed over on a huge tab. They don’t know you and don’t know how you tip. And sometimes the gratuity is automatically added by the computer, so it might not even be your server’s fault that it’s there. Do not complain about being gratted. If that is the restaurant’s rule, then that is the restaurant’s rule. You look like a cheap trouble-maker if you complain about the gratuity and ask for it to be removed. Also, do NOT assume that gratuity has been added to your ticket and not tip the server. Not every restaurant practices gratuitizing on parties. If you assume there is gratuity on the tab, but there isn’t, your server does not get tipped at all.

So, as long as you follow these fairly simple rules on howto properly and courteously dine out, I think you’re ready! Go out, relax, and have a great time. That’s what dining out is all about! And remember to always be courteous and patient about everything. At least in the restaurant industry, servers and managers are more likely to give you what you want if you show them respect, because in this industry, respect is not something you see very often. This is why they appreciate respect when they finally get some! Have an enjoyable night out the next time you dine out! 

If you want more funny and insightful rules of dining out, check out this funny site that tells you more: http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-ways-to-tick-off-your-waiter.php. Also, here is a website about "campers" or people who take up a server's table all night so that she can't turn the table, and some ways you can "camp" but still do good by your server: https://thewaitressconfessions.wordpress.com/?contact-form-id=1310&contact-form-sent=1385&_wpnonce=2e86344fcd#contact-form-1310. And if you want some hilarious videos about servers ranting about their problems in a comedic way, check out the 1. "The Restaurant" videos on YouTube, 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWH-InCezlQ, 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3Ame4rRO-k, and 4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3cvW5r-YUU, and 5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u32XwObvTNA. I also found this video about this couple that was arrested for not tipping! The video is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCZ0Sa3uMZc.

 This is how you should like when you dine out! Enjoy it!

#88: The Tie that Binds Animals and Humans

I think the reason a lot of people are against the animal rights movement, or maybe they just don't care about it, is because the extremists ruin it for everyone. While PETA is great at sending undercover spies into places suspected of being cruel to animals and coming up with some great evidence to either shut them down or ruin their reputation, they are extremists. Their agenda is to turn everyone into vegans who never use animals for any purpose, even common practical purposes that are not cruel to animals. They view animals as being 100% equals to people. While this is a great notion, and I commend anyone who lives his/her life this way, it's not reasonable, and it's definitely not realistic. The truth is, animals have been living side-by-side with humans since humans first showed up on this planet. I know some people think I'm some crazy animal advocate, and I am, but I'm more reasonable than I think some people realize.

People and animals can have a mutually beneficial relationship. People can own horses and use them on their farms or for horse-back riding and even in competitions. Horses usually enjoy this, as long as they're allowed to run around in fields for most of their lives and are only kept in their stalls during the night. Usually horses love to be ridden and let out to run around with their owners. I mean I hate using the word owner. To me, it's "Pet Mommy." I mean I don't like the idea of capturing and trading animals for money, because that's generally what I consider to be animal exploitation, since living beings should never be "owned" by someone else. But in this day and age, it's kind of difficult to not do this, since that's our form of trade, and if you want to be a horse mommy, then you have to shell out some money for one. Otherwise, how are you going to get one - go steal a wild horse from its natural habitat? I think this is pretty much unavoidable these days. The same goes for cats and dogs. Anyway, the point is, as long as you're treating animals fairly and giving them enough room to roam free and giving them plenty of love and attention, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Here's something I do have a problem with: Keeping animals locked up in tiny cages and tanks in your home. This is why I hate pet stores. They capture innocent snakes, rabbits, fish, etc. and sell them for their own benefit. The animals don't have a choice. They are forced into this and are kept in tiny cages and tanks their whole lives. Animals live much shorter lives in captivity, on average, and tons of people take in exotic animals and don't understand exactly how to properly take care of them. My cousin's old roommate took in a baby Ball Python. When I met him, he was already dead, because she didn't keep his tank warm enough. WTF. This is something that happens all too often. But cats and dogs are a different story. They were bred to need families to take care of them. For the most part, they usually can't survive in the wild. And they need loving parents who take care of them, give them lots of space to run around and play, and give them lots of love and attention, just like the horses I mentioned. But seriously, guys, don't give pet stores your money. Pet stores should be put out of business. All they do is exploit animals. Buy your pets from shelters. You'll save a life. Buy your pet food and toys from your vet. The vet is more likely to know what type of food is best for your pet anyway. If you want to read more about this, read my note "Dodger Logic #54: Animal Tips, If You Will."

Something else I hate: I've told you guys this before. I hate when animals are exploited in any kind of way, such as those stupid pony Mary-Go-Round things at pumpkin patches and fairs. Also I hate the set-ups with "giant rats" in cages and "giant pythons" in tanks at fairs. I hate bull-riding, because those bulls are constantly hit with whips and forcibly angered. I hate circuses, because those animals are hit with whips, forced to do their masters' bidding, and live in cages their whole lives. I hate animal testing, as an animal gets absolutely no benefit from this and has no choice in the matter. It just has to sit there and be injected with toxins that make their eyes swell up and their hair fall out, or they have a cream rubbed on them that makes their skin itchy. And then, when these "scientists" are done with them, they dispose of them. I'm against the fur and hide industry, because instead of using hide from animals that have already been killed for their meat, they use perfectly good animals and simply kill them and remove their hide and move on with their lives. In my mind, in this day and age, where there are all kinds of things we can use for clothing, there is no reason to kill an animal for the soul purpose of its hide. Yes, killing an animal and taking all it has to give is a fantastic way to go about it, if you ask me. Eat the animal's meat, and then use its hide for clothing. That's great. I think animals should be used for all they're worth if they are to be used at all, but that's not how the fur and hide industry works. These animals are born to be tortured and die, and they have no say in it. All of these things should be illegal.

Yes, I eat meat. I love meat. And I believe that it's ok to eat meat, as long as you eat animals that were treated right in life and in death. That means eating wild caught fish, as well as free-range chicken and eggs that were never pumped full of chemicals or hormones and were fed an all-vegetarian diet. That means eating animals that came from farm or that you hunt yourself and NOT giving your business to the mass meat production industry. (If you want to learn more about this, read my note "Dodger Logic #16: Don't Be a Vegetarian; Instead, Change the System.") Here's the thing. Snakes eat frogs. Cheetahs eat gazelles. Bears eat fish. It's natural to eat meat that comes from animals below you on the food chain. All sorts of animals do it. We are animals, and we are naturally made to be omnivores, which means we eat both plants and meat. It's the reason we have canine teeth, advanced stomachs and digestive systems, and appendixes (which used to function in aiding the digestion of raw meat.) As long as we do it the right way and don't overeat certain animals or destroy any habitats with our eating patterns, I don't see anything wrong with eating some meat.

That being said, a lot of environmentalists are against hunting. Now, hunting purely for sport is aboslutely wrong and should be illegal. That include fishing just to play "Catch and Release." But as for hunting for food, I only get if you are against this if you're a vegetarian, pesketarian, vegan, etc. But if you eat meat, then there is absolutely no reason to be against hunting for food. On the contrary, it is much better to do this than to fuel the mass meat production industry. If you hunt an animal and kill it fast with a bullet, you know it died quickly and wasn't tortured to death. Also, you know that animal lived a full, free life without torture or being confined to a tiny living space its whole life. Hunting is under-valued and overly-criticized. Hunt away, my friends! - As long as you're hunting for food, not fun.

There is a way to live alongside animals and have a mutual beneficial relationship with them. When I shout animal rights from the rooftops, I don't mean that we should altogether leave animals alone. Yes, that would be great, but that's not realistic, and it's not really necessary. I have 2 dogs, and I love them to death. They seem to love me too, and they are super spoiled. They have plenty of room to run free and get plenty of food and attention. They are well-taken care of. That's how you have a mutually beneficial relationship with an animal.

 See? Humans and animals are definitely tied together!

 These are too funny.

#87: 10 Egyptian Plagues Explained Scientifcally

I am currently watching "The Reaping," in which Hilary Swank plays the main character, Katherine, who is a former ordained minister who no longer believes in God, Satan, or any part of Christianity. Her new job and mission is to debunk any phenomenon that anyone has chalked up to be a "miracle." In the town of Haven, the lake in town has turned red, and throughout the movie, 9 more biblical plagues seem to occur afterward, and Katherine shows up to investigate. **SPOILER ALERT** Even though, in the end, it turns out the plagues are real, and God and Satan turn out to be real, Katherine has a line in the movie that I think is brilliant and captures the idea that everything has a scientific explanation, even if you don't know it. (I'm not saying there aren't things out there that can't be explained by the human mind. But I am saying that there is an explanation out there for everything, whether the human brain can comprehend it or not.) My point is, there seem to be a lot of "miracles" that supposedly occurred in biblical times, and the following quote from "The Reaping" just goes to show that there are explanations for seemingly miraculous phenomena:

"In 1400 B.C., a group of nervous Egyptians saw the Nile turn red. But what they thought was blood was actually an algal bloom, which killed the fish, which prior to that had been living off the eggs of frogs. Those uneaten eggs turned into record numbers of baby frogs, who subsequently fled to the land and died. Their little rotting frog bodies attracted lice and flies. The lice carried the bluetongue Virus, which killed 70% of Egypt's livestock. The flies carried Glanders, a bacterial infection, which, in humans, causes boils. Soon afterward, the Nile River Valley was hit with a three-day sandstorm, otherwise known as the "Plague of Darkness." During the sandstorm, intense heat can combine with an approaching cold front to create not only hail, but also electrical storms, which would have looked to the ancient Egyptians like "fire from the sky." The subsequent wind would have blown the Ethiopian locust population off course and right into downtown Cairo. Hail is wet; locusts leave droppings. Spread both on grain, and you have got Mycotoxins. Dinner time in ancient Egypt meant the first-born child got the biggest portion, which in this case, meant he ate the most toxins, so he died. Ten plagues. Ten scientific explanations."

I'm not saying this is what actually happened to the ancient Egyptians, but it is a pretty rockin' potential explanation. I'm also not saying the story of the plagues in the Bible is or is not explanable by the human mind. I just thought I'd share this and show you guys how it can sometimes pay off to look into the science of things, rather than look at things through eyes blinded by faith. It might open your mind to new perspectives, even if you still decide to believe in your faith. Don't always assume something is miraculous. Then again, you should also never dismiss anything as unmiraculous, because you never know what is out there.

Also, I'm going to take this opportunity to bring up how the Butterfly Effect is explained in this explanation of the biblical plagues. An algal bloom kills the fish who previously kept frog populations in check. In this case, an algal bloom killed off an entire species in this particular habitat, which in turn, caused a spiraling effect of an insane number of frogs. This massive outbreak of frogs had to have had an effect on the populations of whatever these particular frogs ate. Also, what came from all of this? Disease. This disease killed all kinds of livestock and made the Egyptians ill and killed off some of them. No one knows how that algal bloom occurred. It could have been natural or caused by human interaction with the environment. Who knows? But the point is, a lot of crap can happen when an ecosystem is disrupted, so let's try not to disrupt any ecosystems through our actions!

By the way, I read on one website how the algal bloom supposedly occurred. Between 1500 and 1650 B.C., a volcano erupted in Greece. The subsequent ash landed all over the place, including in Cairo and the Nile River. (This ash has been tested and is proven to have come from this particular volcano.) The plagues supposedly occurred between 1400 and 1550 B.C., so this fits perfectly with the eruption of this volcano. The ash from this volcano changed the pH of the Nile River, allowing the algae to bloom. BOOM. There's your explanation for how the algae "miraculously" started blooming there. Another myth potentially busted, but this time, there's actual scientific tests that prove that this theory is quite possibly correct. Also, this myth-buster has a fair timeline for further potential proof. It's pretty cool to think about. But I'm just glad humans weren't the reason for this disaster. Usually when you hear about a Butterfly Effect of events that destroyed entire ecoystems, humans are the initial cause. Ha.

One explanation that I found online, however, had a slightly different explanation than Katherine's explanation in "The Reaping." According to the author of this web page, the "Plague of Darkness" came from the volcanic ash, which also is what caused the hail and red lightning (or "fire in the sky") due to chemicals from the ash. Also, this author explains that the locusts came around due to the dampness of the area, to which locusts are attracted. Also, the explanation of the death of the first born is more understandable through this author, as he/she explains that the first-born was "king" in families, because he was the one who would head the family after the death of his father. Not only would the first-born eat first, but in times of famine, sometimes he would be the only one to eat. Since the locusts ate pretty much everything in sight, these were definitely times of famine. Boy, this sure was an ironic "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation - to eat or not to eat; that is the question! If you eat, you die. If you don't eat, you die. Well, sh*t.

Here is another theory I found online: Instead of the first-born children being killed, it was the first crop that was killed, and something was lost in translation when the Bible was written and translated into English from Hebrew and all kinds of other previous languages in which the Bible was written before it made it to English. This is an interesting theory and is neat to think about. I don't necessarily think it has any merit, but it's pretty cool to think about. I mean, supposedly God told Moses to tell all of the Israelites to put lamb's blood over their front doors, and this would cause the angel of death to pass over their house. I don't know where in the world that would come from if they really meant the first crop died and not actual children.

Now I read all kinds of criticisms of the above theories, and the best criticism is this: Why in the world hasn't something like this ever occurred in other days and times? I mean, most of the time the earth has been around has not been recorded, but since we started keeping records, why haven't we recorded something insane like this occurring in other instances? I mean we've seen such algal blooms in other places, but they haven't had quite such a major Domino Effect on the ecosystem living there. Or have we? That's for other people to give me information on. As I'm standing here, I can't think of anything. But that's not to say that there wasn't something coincidentally special and unique about this particular algal bloom in this particular ecosystem that made it uncharacteristically disastrous. Furthermore, why haven't we heard of anything happening during this exact same time in the surrounding areas of Egypt, such as Greece, for instance, since that's where that particular volcano supposedly erupted. Surely, these surrounding countries would have seen a lot of similar disasters as the ancient Egyptians, right? Sure. But this one I actually have an answer to. The only people in that area back in this day and age that had written records were the Egyptians. So even if something did happen in the surrounding countries, which I'm sure did, we wouldn't have any record of it.

Here is probably the best criticism: The frog eggs survived in the polluted water and turned into frogs, but the frogs couldn't live in the polluted water, so they fled the water and ended up on land. How could these frogs survive babyhood in polluted water but couldn't survive the water in adulthood? Well, this is just speculation from my Environmental Science background, but there are a lot of toxins that affect animals in their adult states but not in their larval states. That's just a speculative theory. I haven't put any research into that answer, so that's a decent criticism.

Here's another one: How do we know the Red Tide is the algal bloom that occurred, and is it toxic? Also, is it able to live and grow in that region of the world? Answer: We don't know if that was the exist algal bloom that is supposedly the initial cause of these plagues. There are all kinds of algae that contain different colored pigments, including the color red, and can turn water red. However, it is commonly believed that the Red Tide is what did this, and yes, the Red Tide has occurred in many places at many times and not done as much damage, but that only depends on concentration. The Red Tide is only toxic to fish at high concentrations. As for whether or not the Red Tide could grow here, the Red Tide usually shows up in the Atlantic area, so it makes sense that it would potentially show up in Egypt, which is extremely close to the Atlantic Ocean. Furthermore, the growth of the Red Tide is, at least in the second theory, is attributed to the pH level change that came from volcanic ash after the volcanic eruption. This is really what the Red Tide growth depends on in order to grow, rather than geography - the pH level change.

Here's an interesting criticism: One guy asked, "How do you explain how Moses knew which plagues were coming before they came and warned the Pharaoh of them?" Simple. Anyone who doesn't buy this story will tell you that part of the story was just a story. Either it was added in to add to the moral of the story, or someone added that in there to show the power of God and enhance the reader's belief in him. Or, I have another explanation for this for those of you who believe in God and the Bible below.

Ok, now I'm going to blow your minds. What if God does exist, and he used the laws of the earth that he created to cause these plagues? This means that it's possible that God told Moses these plagues were going to happen, and then he made them happen through the laws of the earth. This scientific explanation could probably more readily be used to exemplify God's power, rather than to debunk his existence. I'm not saying what I believe, but any of this could be used for the argument of both beliefs - the one where God exists and the one where he doesn't. Anyway, that brings us to the question of why God would do such a thing. I mean, think about it. Who was he against? The pharaoh. Why? Because he enslaved his Egyptian people. Who did God punish with the plagues? The Israelites who were enslaved! How does that make any sense? Why would he punish the innocent victims in order to teach the evil dictator a lesson? That just makes no sense and is cruel. And to children, no less! Yes, he told Moses to tell the Israelites to put lamb's blood over their doors, and that would make the angel of death pass over their houses, but to my knowledge, some Israelites didn't do this, which means their children were killed based on the parents' decision. That's not fair! And even if he gave the Israelites this chance to save their first-born, why would it be necessary in the first place? Why didn't he just send this plague, and all of the plagues for that matter, to the Pharaoh? Why did any of it have to affect the innocent Israelites? I could go on and on about how the stories of the Bible seem to show a ruthless, cruel God, rather than a merciful one. Check out my previous note "Dodger Logic #21: Metaphors and Inconsistencies (Oh, dear. What Am I Getting Myself Into?)" for more examples of this.

What is really cool about this story is that it is scientifically possible, and scientists have actually concluded that the 10 plagues of Egypt did, in fact, actually happen. That's what's so cool! And now we have a scientific explanation as to how it happened. And think about it. The fact that these plagues actually did occur is potential proof that the Bible is true, since it has an accurate record of at least one event in history. However, anyone could argue that that came from ancient Egyptian written records that were used to write that Bible story, and that humans enhanced the story of this event for their own personal agenda and added it into the Bible as they were writing it. I don't care what you guys choose to believe, but this is some cool stuff to think about.

This is what the algal bloom of these theories looks like. It's called the Red Tide, and the algae that causes this are actually a kind of phytoplankton called Dinoflaggelates. Now, these guys are only toxic to fish in high concentrations, so it's possible that this is, indeed, the algal bloom that occurred back then, but it is also likely that it is a different algal bloom that occurred, but this seems to be the one a lot of theorists point to. However, there are many algal species that can turn the water red, as lots of algae contains different pigments for different colors, including red.

This is just one example of an awesome-looking electrical storm. Is this the "fire from the sky?"

#86: The Dreaded "Friend Zone"

A friend of mine just posted something interesting on Facebook, and I feel like it summed up exactly what I've wanted to tell guys ever since I started liking them. There's this thing that guys call the "Friend Zone." I'm sure everyone has heard of it. It's when a guy wants to date a girl, but she has already decided that he is just going to be her friend and nothing more. Yes, we all know this happens a lot. I feel like it happens a lot for girls who want to date guys too, but we never seem to hear about that - maybe because women, while plagued with drama, aren't the complainers of the world. Generally speaking, those are men. I don't know what it is. Anyway, I've heard countless men and boys in my life complain about girls friend-zoning them. They always love to use that pesky verbage about how they are great guys, but girls never seem to want to date them, and instead, the girls end up running off into the sunset with some jerk who eventually hurts them. I can hear the violins playing in the background as I type. I don't think guys quite understand how annoying it is to hear a guy complain about this - and for many reasons.

First off, it is RAPE CULTURE to feel entitled to a girl's affection. Just because you think you're a good guy doesn't mean a girl is obligated to date you. There are all kinds of factors that make people attracted to each other, that make people want to date each other, and that ultimately give people enough chemistry to make a relationship work. Some of these things have to do with who you are as a person versus who she is, your interests versus hers, your lifestyle versus hers, where you are in your life versus where she is in hers, etc. Believe it or not, when choosing a mate, women look into more than just whether or not the guy is "nice." There are all kinds of qualities we look for! Maybe you're nice, but maybe you work a job that requires you to travel often, and that's just not something she's into. Maybe you're nice, but maybe you associate yourself with really sketchy friends, and that's a turn-off for her. You could be really nice, but if you smell funny, you lack motivation to get your education and a career, you can never pay your bills on time, you aren't healthy and don't take care of your body, then certain women are not going to be attracted to you! Everyone has good and bad qualities. One of your good qualities might be that you're nice and you have the capacity to love another person without bounds. However, there are all kinds of bad qualities that you could have that would be a deal-breaker for some women. And you DO have flaws. Don't pretend like you don't.

Timing is also a huge deal when it comes to dating. Maybe you went after your crush right after she got out of a relationship, and that's why she friend-zoned you - because she wasn't ready for a relationship. Now, say there's a guy she meets 2 months after this happens, and she feels more ready for a relationship. If they click, she might end up dating this guy. So it would be extremely jerky of you to run around telling people something like "Well, when I tried to go out with her, she was 'not ready for another relationship,' but then Prince Charming comes along, and all of a sudden she's ready." Just stop. Timing is a huge thing. Maybe the timing was just wrong for you. And sometimes your female friend just needs a friend. Sometimes she's at a point in her life when she just needs someone to be there for her, listen to her, and be a shoulder for her to cry on. If you can't be a friend to someone of the opposite sex without complaining that she doesn't want something more with you, then maybe you don't have the mental capacity to be a boyfriend to someone either.

I'm going to also throw out there that it has been my experience that guys who complain about being friend-zoned and claim to be the "nice guys" are usually, in fact, the jerks. They claim up and down and all around that they are great, and that they've been done wrong simply because one girl didn't happen to want to date them. That, my friends, is a jerk quality. Feeling entitled is a jerk quality. Feeling like women should bow at your feet is a jerk quality. Being a whiner and complaining all the time about not feeling wanted is a jerk quality, or maybe not a jerk quality, but at the very least, it's not attractive. If you often find yourself complaining about girls not wanting to date you and friend-zoning you, maybe it's time to re-evaluate yourself, because it's possible you are not the "nice guy" you think you are and claim to be.

We are not broken up into "nice" and "not nice" categories. Most people, if not everyone, have good and bad qualities. That guy your crush ran off with, who you say will only hurt her in the end, could be a great guy just like you! Maybe she did end up choosing someone great. Maybe they end up breaking up in the end. Maybe they end up having a fall-out. That doesn't mean he's a jerk, even if she says he is. You have no clue what happened to break them up or how either of them took things in the end. If you heard both sides, you might realize that guy really was a decent guy, and maybe he was good for your crush for awhile, but in the end, it just wasn't a forever deal. By the way, if it didn't work out between your crush and the guy she went for, leaving you in the "Friend Zone," that doesn't mean that she is, again, obligated to turn around and date you! Some people just aren't suited for other people, and some people simply don't prefer other people.

Yes, I directed this to men, but the same can be said for women too. I just happen to be a woman writing about my own perspective, and it just so happens that I really don't even think I've ever heard another woman complain about being friend-zoned ever in my life, so I directed this to men. Anyway, here are some things anyone, men and women, can take from this: 1. Stop feeling entitled, 2. Stop whining, 3. You might want to re-evaluate yourself and see if you have some qualities that people of the opposite sex might not be attracted to - hopefully things that you can work on and change if need be, and 4. Don't blame someone for not personally prefering you. I'm sure there are some people you don't personally prefer too. I mean, it's not like you're attracted to every single person of the opposite sex, hands down. So don't expect other people to be like that toward you. Also, I think you guys should know that complaining about being that nice guy who no girl wants and is always put into the "Friend Zone" is a HUGE turn-off for women. I know I roll my eyes at every guy who ever tells me that, and I automatically take him off my list of potential mates, because I deem him an entitled whiner. The bottom line is: Keep your head up, and try not to get yourself down if someone rejects you. It's not the end of the world, and chances are, that rejection will lead you straight to the person who will stick with you for the rest of your life. So really, you should thank the people who reject you, because they're paving your way straight to your future husband or wife.

Credits: Thanks to my friend, Vinny, for posting a Facebook status that encompassed this concept exactly the way I've wanted to explain things to guys my whole life - except in a much more concise version! Also, guys, let me just tell you - the fact that I'm not dating this guy, even though he seems to understand women pretty well, has nothing to do with me friend-zoning him! So don't even throw that one out there.

 That's the problem with guys. Lots of them are just nice to get into a girl's pants. That's not fair. Women are more attracted to guys who are primarily interested in being our friends and are nice to us just because they're nice. THAT is what a real "nice guy" is.

For comic relief.

This is the problem. Yes, that girl doesn't seem pleasant. Obviously, she did some mean, immature things to this guy when he made his efforts for her. But just because you do all these things for someone doesn't obligate that person to date you! If she doesn't like you like that, then she doesn't like you like that! Also, this guy doesn't seem like a hero to me. He seems more like a stalker who is too ridiculous to take a hint.