First off, it is RAPE CULTURE to feel entitled to a girl's affection. Just because you think you're a good guy doesn't mean a girl is obligated to date you. There are all kinds of factors that make people attracted to each other, that make people want to date each other, and that ultimately give people enough chemistry to make a relationship work. Some of these things have to do with who you are as a person versus who she is, your interests versus hers, your lifestyle versus hers, where you are in your life versus where she is in hers, etc. Believe it or not, when choosing a mate, women look into more than just whether or not the guy is "nice." There are all kinds of qualities we look for! Maybe you're nice, but maybe you work a job that requires you to travel often, and that's just not something she's into. Maybe you're nice, but maybe you associate yourself with really sketchy friends, and that's a turn-off for her. You could be really nice, but if you smell funny, you lack motivation to get your education and a career, you can never pay your bills on time, you aren't healthy and don't take care of your body, then certain women are not going to be attracted to you! Everyone has good and bad qualities. One of your good qualities might be that you're nice and you have the capacity to love another person without bounds. However, there are all kinds of bad qualities that you could have that would be a deal-breaker for some women. And you DO have flaws. Don't pretend like you don't.
Timing is also a huge deal when it comes to dating. Maybe you went after your crush right after she got out of a relationship, and that's why she friend-zoned you - because she wasn't ready for a relationship. Now, say there's a guy she meets 2 months after this happens, and she feels more ready for a relationship. If they click, she might end up dating this guy. So it would be extremely jerky of you to run around telling people something like "Well, when I tried to go out with her, she was 'not ready for another relationship,' but then Prince Charming comes along, and all of a sudden she's ready." Just stop. Timing is a huge thing. Maybe the timing was just wrong for you. And sometimes your female friend just needs a friend. Sometimes she's at a point in her life when she just needs someone to be there for her, listen to her, and be a shoulder for her to cry on. If you can't be a friend to someone of the opposite sex without complaining that she doesn't want something more with you, then maybe you don't have the mental capacity to be a boyfriend to someone either.
I'm going to also throw out there that it has been my experience that guys who complain about being friend-zoned and claim to be the "nice guys" are usually, in fact, the jerks. They claim up and down and all around that they are great, and that they've been done wrong simply because one girl didn't happen to want to date them. That, my friends, is a jerk quality. Feeling entitled is a jerk quality. Feeling like women should bow at your feet is a jerk quality. Being a whiner and complaining all the time about not feeling wanted is a jerk quality, or maybe not a jerk quality, but at the very least, it's not attractive. If you often find yourself complaining about girls not wanting to date you and friend-zoning you, maybe it's time to re-evaluate yourself, because it's possible you are not the "nice guy" you think you are and claim to be.
We are not broken up into "nice" and "not nice" categories. Most people, if not everyone, have good and bad qualities. That guy your crush ran off with, who you say will only hurt her in the end, could be a great guy just like you! Maybe she did end up choosing someone great. Maybe they end up breaking up in the end. Maybe they end up having a fall-out. That doesn't mean he's a jerk, even if she says he is. You have no clue what happened to break them up or how either of them took things in the end. If you heard both sides, you might realize that guy really was a decent guy, and maybe he was good for your crush for awhile, but in the end, it just wasn't a forever deal. By the way, if it didn't work out between your crush and the guy she went for, leaving you in the "Friend Zone," that doesn't mean that she is, again, obligated to turn around and date you! Some people just aren't suited for other people, and some people simply don't prefer other people.
Yes, I directed this to men, but the same can be said for women too. I just happen to be a woman writing about my own perspective, and it just so happens that I really don't even think I've ever heard another woman complain about being friend-zoned ever in my life, so I directed this to men. Anyway, here are some things anyone, men and women, can take from this: 1. Stop feeling entitled, 2. Stop whining, 3. You might want to re-evaluate yourself and see if you have some qualities that people of the opposite sex might not be attracted to - hopefully things that you can work on and change if need be, and 4. Don't blame someone for not personally prefering you. I'm sure there are some people you don't personally prefer too. I mean, it's not like you're attracted to every single person of the opposite sex, hands down. So don't expect other people to be like that toward you. Also, I think you guys should know that complaining about being that nice guy who no girl wants and is always put into the "Friend Zone" is a HUGE turn-off for women. I know I roll my eyes at every guy who ever tells me that, and I automatically take him off my list of potential mates, because I deem him an entitled whiner. The bottom line is: Keep your head up, and try not to get yourself down if someone rejects you. It's not the end of the world, and chances are, that rejection will lead you straight to the person who will stick with you for the rest of your life. So really, you should thank the people who reject you, because they're paving your way straight to your future husband or wife.
Credits: Thanks to my friend, Vinny, for posting a Facebook status that encompassed this concept exactly the way I've wanted to explain things to guys my whole life - except in a much more concise version! Also, guys, let me just tell you - the fact that I'm not dating this guy, even though he seems to understand women pretty well, has nothing to do with me friend-zoning him! So don't even throw that one out there.
That's the problem with guys. Lots of them are just nice to get into a girl's pants. That's not fair. Women are more attracted to guys who are primarily interested in being our friends and are nice to us just because they're nice. THAT is what a real "nice guy" is.
For comic relief.
This is the problem. Yes, that girl doesn't seem pleasant. Obviously, she did some mean, immature things to this guy when he made his efforts for her. But just because you do all these things for someone doesn't obligate that person to date you! If she doesn't like you like that, then she doesn't like you like that! Also, this guy doesn't seem like a hero to me. He seems more like a stalker who is too ridiculous to take a hint.
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