#33: 14 Things You Can Do Instead of Getting Married and Having Kids

For the majority of the time that the USA has been a country, women were viewed as baby-makers and house-maids. We were always expected to stay home with the kids and never hold down a job or have a say in anything that goes on in this country. That's always been our husbands' job to handle. But in recent years, women have found their voice. We have risen up and made it clear that we are on this planet for more purposes than just to get married, reproduce, clean up after everyone else, cook for our families, be eye candy for men, and provide sexual pleasure for our men. So why do so many people still insist that we fulfill these duties? I'm sure this all started back when it was necessary for people to populate the world for the purposes of human survival, but that is not something we need anymore, so why do we still act like we do? The "American Dream" is a dying social norm, but it is not dead quite yet; there is still plenty of opposition to its death.

People expect me to get married. They expect me to have children. If I say I want to do something different, people argue with me that I'll change my mind, or that I'm missing out, or that I'll have no one to take care of me when I'm old. It's all about scare tactics and guilt trips. Why people care what I do with my life and my uterus is beyond me. I just hate how social norms push people into doing things they don't want to do. Some people get married and have kids because they don't know what else to do with their lives; they're bored. Some people do it because societal expectations or people in their lives push them to do it. I just don't think this is a good enough reason to make a lifetime commitment that I'm not prepared to make.

When a man abuses/neglects his child, people always jump to say that man should've never reproduced. When a woman is forced to carry a child she doesn't want or can't afford to full-term, and then she decides to murder it once it is born, people always jump to say she should've never had the child if she didn't want it so badly. When a man can't keep his pants on and runs around on his wife all the time, people always immediately jump to the conclusion that this just should never be married if he can't treat his wife well. But if these people had every said they didn't want to have kids or be married before all of this happened, everyone would've said things like "You'll never have meaning or purpose in your life" and "You're so selfish." I'm not condoning the people in these situations (child abusers/neglecters, baby murderers, or cheating spouses,) but I am saying that society is hypocritical.

The "American Dream" of getting married and having kids as soon as possible is dying anyway. The world is incredibly overpopulated, so it's not like there's a dire need for people to reproduce anymore. Women are finding their worth in this world by holding jobs, and jobs high up on the ladder, at that. About 50% of marriages end in divorce, and many other marriages are unhappy ones. People are realizing that marriage is just a piece of paper that holds no meaning without love, commitment, and respect. Gay people are discriminated against and constantly battling for their right to get married. This "American Dream" concept is corrupt, and it's dying anyway.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm not in any way downing people who choose a conventional way of life. If you feel like the "American Dream" of getting married and having kids is what will fulfill your life, then by all means, have at it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. I'm just saying that is not the life that is meant for everyone, and it's time that we start supporting and accepting people who deviate from the norm, rather than chastising them and making them feel bad when they don't follow the crowd. It's time to respect different people's path through life, rather than challenge it. And if you feel stuck and don't know what to do with your life, or if you don't think the "American Dream" is for you, then I want you to think about other ways to live a fulfilling life, which may be a better fit for you if you're unsure. So without further ado, here are 14 things you can do instead of getting married and having kids:

1. Travel - This is my ultimate goal in life. I want to travel the world. You can do so many things on your travels, whether it's holding jobs in other countries, volunteering, studying, or just sight-seeing.

2. Work on your career - A lot of people, particularly women, have trouble balancing their education and a job with having kids. We are the ones who have to take the hit to our bodies and need to stay home from work while we recover. Also, most of the time, it is the woman's job to stay home with the infant until it is old enough to go to daycare. And even as the child grows up, it is almost always the woman's responsibility to handle most of the child's care. As a result, many women's education and careers have to take a backseat when the kids come along. If you'd rather get multiple degrees, work your way up the corporate ladder, and do something important in your career, then this is a great option for you.

3. Get another degree - There is no limit to how much education or how many different kinds of degrees a person can get. If you want to be knowledgable, make it happen.

4. Volunteer - If your goal is to make a difference in the world, then you could volunteer in an animal shelter, a soup kitchen, or a battered women's shelter.

5. Adopt/foster shelter pets - There are so many unloved and unwanted pets in the world, and they need a home. Maybe you don't want kids, but animals could be your calling.

6. Adopt/foster children - Maybe you don't want to have kids of your own, but it's your calling to offer unloved and unwanted children a home.

7. Get involved in your community - Maybe there are some governmental policies you want to change in your community, so get involved in a political party or movement. Maybe you have a strange interest or hobby and would like to meet other people with those same interests. Well, join a group of people with the same interests! Maybe you are very devout in your religion, and that gives your life meaning. Well, join a church/synagogue/mosque.

8. Get up and move to a new location - Maybe you've always wanted to live abroad or simply in a different city. Well, do it. Maybe you want to do it repeatedly, every time you start getting bored. Do it.

9. Join the military - It's often hard for military personnel to hold down a family, but maybe you've always wanted to serve your country. This is a very noble thing to spend your life doing.

10. Get a second job - Maybe you like to work. A lot of people are, simply put, workaholics and feel fulfilled when they are constantly working, even if they're not specifically working on a career. Some people are good at what they do, or they simply enjoy it, so if that's you, then go for it!

11. Learn a new language - Broaden your horizons. Challenge your mind. Whether it's Mandarin Chinese or American Sign Language, if this is a goal of yours, you can do it!

12. Get in shape - There are a lot of people who dedicate their lives to becoming and remaining fit. It's a lifestyle that requires constant work and dedication. It requires change in eating and excerising habits, and you can even join competitions and sports teams. I have two female friends who enjoy body building. They join in competitions, and both of them have gone very far with it.

13. Learn a new trade - Whether you want to get into the arts by learning to paint, learn to play a new instrument, join a dance class, get certified to sky-dive on your own, or pick up cooking, there is always something new you can learn, a new trade you can emerse yourself in, or a new hobby that is just waiting to be picked up.

14. Write up a bucket list, and then work toward accomplishing those goals - This can be anything. The list can include everything above if you want it to.

And if you want to have kids, but you don't want to get married, then fine. If you want to have a child but don't want to be tied down by a spouse, then you can be a single parent if you think you can make that work. If you want a partner in life, but you believe in your mutual commitment to each other, rather than a piece of paper that magically binds you forever, then be with your partner without marrying him. Make your own "American Dream."

And if you don't want a family, then don't ever let someone tell you that you're selfish for that. It's ok to be selfish when it comes to your happiness. You're not harming anyone else; you're ensuring that you fulfill the one life you have to live and can never get back if you ruin it. Don't let people scare you into thinking no one will take care of you when you're old if you don't have kids. Truth be told, having kids is NOT a guarantee that you will be taken care of when you're old. Don't let people convince you that you'll be missing out on the greatest achievement in life if you don't have kids. That is THEIR greatest achievement, not yours. And if you don't feel like it would fulfill you to have kids, then it probably wouldn't. None of the reasons people chastise you or try to guilt trip you for not wanting kids are good reasons to creat another life form. The only good reason to have kids is if you truly and fully want them.

You can do anything you want to do. If you want to have a family, then do it. But if that's not for you, don't feel like that's your only option in life, or that that's what you are expected to do. You are in control of what you do with your life. And if you want to have a family and do one or more of the things on this list, do it.