So this blog is about the existence of fate and the idea that "there's one person out there for everyone." While it's sweet to think that everyone is "meant" for someone else, I want to explore this topic more and get the realistic side of things out there and in the open. Before you guys go thinking I'm a pessimist, I'm surely not. I'm a realist - with respect to most things, at least. But this is a fitting topic for me in my life right now. As any of you who know me at least pretty well know, I fell full force for a man when I lived in Ecuador. Even though it's been a year and a half since I left, I've still been having issues with the knowledge that I will possibly never be with him again, and that our time together was cut short. My mom has maintened the notion that "if it's meant to be, it'll happen." That, my friends, is what we call fate. Or some people may consider it divine intervention, if you believe in God.
So what is fate exactly? Is it God jumping in and making something happen, simply because he wants it to happen? Is it some inexplicable force that somehow shapes the world into what it's "supposed" to be? Well, honestly, I don't see any reason to believe in such a thing, because it makes absolutely no sense. I mean, what could possibly push us into the direction we're supposed to go without touching us? What could possibly tap into our brains and make decisions for us, so that we do what we need to do in order to make something else happen? It doesn't make any scientific sense, for sure.
Besides, I think it's better to believe in personal choice. The idea of fate implies that the course of our lives was written in advance...that someone planned exactly what was going to happen and how it was going to happen, and no matter what we do, we can't change it. Whatever this person/thing has decided will happen, that's what will happen, no matter what. (Sidenote: The movie The Adjustment Bureau has so much to do with what I'm saying, and it was good, if you guys are interested.)
Anyway, it would be crazy to believe in what I just explained. I mean, we all make our own decisions, right? We're all in control of our own lives. And if you believe in God, don't you believe God wants us to make our own decisions? I mean, God woudn't want to control us like we're puppets, because otherwise, we wouldn't learn anything. The whole point of living, I should think, is to make mistakes and learn from them. So don't let someone tell you "if it's meant to be, it'll happen," because you have to work for what you want and MAKE it happen. Blaming something on fate or saying something with happen if "it's meant to be" is just a cop out. It's a way for people to justify being lazy - by putting the respomsibility in the hands of God or fate or whatever. But if we are going to humor the idea of fate, then if you do something that will point you in a totally different direction than the path you were originally on or wanted to be on, you may destroy your chance at what you believe is "meant to be." For example, if I don't move back to Ecuador, then I'll never be with David again. Even though we might be perfectly great together for the rest of our lives if I moved back to Ecuador to be with him, say I don't move back, as amazing as it would be to do so. I'm jumping in and doing something that may destroy what I may feel is "meant to be." But on the same token, one could argue that by doing that, I'm pushing myself towards what's really "meant to be." Maybe it's "meant to be" that I stay in the States and meet someone else. Maybe it's "meant to be" that I travel my whole life and remain single, wild, and free. There's no way to know what's "meant to be," so how do we know if it exists or not?
To me, there's gazillions of ways the world could go, depending on what decisions we make. There's an old quote that's really great: "When a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it can cause a hurricane in another part of the world." - Unknown. This is so true, because it's all about the sequence of events that causes something to happen. There's all kinds of threads of time out there that are just possibilities of what life could have been like if we had made different decisions. Like if I decided to move to Ecuador, a ton of sequences of events would come from that. My whole life would be one way, whereas, if I stayed here in the States for the rest of my life, my whole life would turn out completely different. This is also a really great quote from the movie Charlie St. Cloud: "No one ever gets to see what could have been." So we'll never know about any thread of time besides the one that actually occurs. I don't really remember much about the book A Wrinkle in Time, but I remember it pertained to this topic, and that it was interesting, so this blog is making me want to read that. Maybe it's something you guys would be interested in as well. It probably explains what I'm trying to say a lot better than I am. But my point is, the way things go is dependent upon our decisions, not fate.
This brings me to my last question. Is there really only one person out there for everyone? Because, if so, then it's incredible that most of the time, so it seems, these people all find each other. It's incredible that the sequence of events in people's lives and the decisions they make almost always end up leading them to the person they're "meant" to be with. It's pretty absurd, actually. Like what if I'm stuck here, but the man who is meant for me is all the way in, I don't know, Nigeria? How are we going to ever meet? You could say fate will bring us together someday, but I've just explained why fate is kind of a crazy idea. I think there's all kinds of people who could work together well and end up becoming the loves of each other's lives. Maybe there are tons of people who could potentially be "meant" to be with me. But which one I end up with is dependent upon my choices, his choices, and even the choices of others. So maybe David and I could be "meant" to be together, but maybe there is also someone else out there who I could be "meant" for as well. I can't remember who said this, but one of my friends brought up the idea that there's one person out there for every point in our lives. That's a legitimate and interesting idea. What if David was only "meant" to be the love of my life for the short period of time that I lived in Ecuador? What if there's someone else I'm "meant" to be with while I'm in college, or while I'm in the States, or after I move away from the States (assuming that I do someday move away from the States.) Or maybe everyone in your life is just "meant" to be there for a certain period of time, to serve a particular purpose. Maybe David and my relationship with him were meant to open my eyes and show me that there are good men out there, and that relationships can be worth my while. Ultimately, that's what I think David taught me anyway. Or does "meant to be" simply not exist? I mean, it teeters on the fence next to fate. How can I be "meant" to be with someone if "meant to be" means that some divine power or some inexplicable force out there chose me and the man I'm "supposed" to be with, and decided that we were going to be together? That leaves no room for my own decisions. So maybe we're not "meant" to be with anyone. I think we just end up with who we decide to be with, whoever we bump into one day on the subway and decide to date, fall in love with, and eventually marry. It's all about the sequence of events leading up to it, and of course, the decisions we make along the way that make what happens happen.
So, I guess, if you and the person you think is "meant" for you break up, don't sweat it, because you're probably not really "meant to be," because "meant to be" doesn't even exist. So someone else will come along and pick up the pieces at some point. And you'll start thinking he/she was truly the one you were "meant" for. And, on the complete opposite side of things, maybe it's a good idea to just go for it if you like someone. Saying hello is always the door that leads to relationships. If you never say hello to that shy guy in the corner, or if you never ask that beautiful girl out, you may be missing out on something amazing. These are the decisions I'm talking about. We make the decision to either say hello or walk away, and then the sequence of events follows. Afterall, wouldn't you feel better about failure if you knew that, at the very least, you tried everything in your power to make it work out?
So what is fate exactly? Is it God jumping in and making something happen, simply because he wants it to happen? Is it some inexplicable force that somehow shapes the world into what it's "supposed" to be? Well, honestly, I don't see any reason to believe in such a thing, because it makes absolutely no sense. I mean, what could possibly push us into the direction we're supposed to go without touching us? What could possibly tap into our brains and make decisions for us, so that we do what we need to do in order to make something else happen? It doesn't make any scientific sense, for sure.
Besides, I think it's better to believe in personal choice. The idea of fate implies that the course of our lives was written in advance...that someone planned exactly what was going to happen and how it was going to happen, and no matter what we do, we can't change it. Whatever this person/thing has decided will happen, that's what will happen, no matter what. (Sidenote: The movie The Adjustment Bureau has so much to do with what I'm saying, and it was good, if you guys are interested.)
Anyway, it would be crazy to believe in what I just explained. I mean, we all make our own decisions, right? We're all in control of our own lives. And if you believe in God, don't you believe God wants us to make our own decisions? I mean, God woudn't want to control us like we're puppets, because otherwise, we wouldn't learn anything. The whole point of living, I should think, is to make mistakes and learn from them. So don't let someone tell you "if it's meant to be, it'll happen," because you have to work for what you want and MAKE it happen. Blaming something on fate or saying something with happen if "it's meant to be" is just a cop out. It's a way for people to justify being lazy - by putting the respomsibility in the hands of God or fate or whatever. But if we are going to humor the idea of fate, then if you do something that will point you in a totally different direction than the path you were originally on or wanted to be on, you may destroy your chance at what you believe is "meant to be." For example, if I don't move back to Ecuador, then I'll never be with David again. Even though we might be perfectly great together for the rest of our lives if I moved back to Ecuador to be with him, say I don't move back, as amazing as it would be to do so. I'm jumping in and doing something that may destroy what I may feel is "meant to be." But on the same token, one could argue that by doing that, I'm pushing myself towards what's really "meant to be." Maybe it's "meant to be" that I stay in the States and meet someone else. Maybe it's "meant to be" that I travel my whole life and remain single, wild, and free. There's no way to know what's "meant to be," so how do we know if it exists or not?
To me, there's gazillions of ways the world could go, depending on what decisions we make. There's an old quote that's really great: "When a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it can cause a hurricane in another part of the world." - Unknown. This is so true, because it's all about the sequence of events that causes something to happen. There's all kinds of threads of time out there that are just possibilities of what life could have been like if we had made different decisions. Like if I decided to move to Ecuador, a ton of sequences of events would come from that. My whole life would be one way, whereas, if I stayed here in the States for the rest of my life, my whole life would turn out completely different. This is also a really great quote from the movie Charlie St. Cloud: "No one ever gets to see what could have been." So we'll never know about any thread of time besides the one that actually occurs. I don't really remember much about the book A Wrinkle in Time, but I remember it pertained to this topic, and that it was interesting, so this blog is making me want to read that. Maybe it's something you guys would be interested in as well. It probably explains what I'm trying to say a lot better than I am. But my point is, the way things go is dependent upon our decisions, not fate.
This brings me to my last question. Is there really only one person out there for everyone? Because, if so, then it's incredible that most of the time, so it seems, these people all find each other. It's incredible that the sequence of events in people's lives and the decisions they make almost always end up leading them to the person they're "meant" to be with. It's pretty absurd, actually. Like what if I'm stuck here, but the man who is meant for me is all the way in, I don't know, Nigeria? How are we going to ever meet? You could say fate will bring us together someday, but I've just explained why fate is kind of a crazy idea. I think there's all kinds of people who could work together well and end up becoming the loves of each other's lives. Maybe there are tons of people who could potentially be "meant" to be with me. But which one I end up with is dependent upon my choices, his choices, and even the choices of others. So maybe David and I could be "meant" to be together, but maybe there is also someone else out there who I could be "meant" for as well. I can't remember who said this, but one of my friends brought up the idea that there's one person out there for every point in our lives. That's a legitimate and interesting idea. What if David was only "meant" to be the love of my life for the short period of time that I lived in Ecuador? What if there's someone else I'm "meant" to be with while I'm in college, or while I'm in the States, or after I move away from the States (assuming that I do someday move away from the States.) Or maybe everyone in your life is just "meant" to be there for a certain period of time, to serve a particular purpose. Maybe David and my relationship with him were meant to open my eyes and show me that there are good men out there, and that relationships can be worth my while. Ultimately, that's what I think David taught me anyway. Or does "meant to be" simply not exist? I mean, it teeters on the fence next to fate. How can I be "meant" to be with someone if "meant to be" means that some divine power or some inexplicable force out there chose me and the man I'm "supposed" to be with, and decided that we were going to be together? That leaves no room for my own decisions. So maybe we're not "meant" to be with anyone. I think we just end up with who we decide to be with, whoever we bump into one day on the subway and decide to date, fall in love with, and eventually marry. It's all about the sequence of events leading up to it, and of course, the decisions we make along the way that make what happens happen.
So, I guess, if you and the person you think is "meant" for you break up, don't sweat it, because you're probably not really "meant to be," because "meant to be" doesn't even exist. So someone else will come along and pick up the pieces at some point. And you'll start thinking he/she was truly the one you were "meant" for. And, on the complete opposite side of things, maybe it's a good idea to just go for it if you like someone. Saying hello is always the door that leads to relationships. If you never say hello to that shy guy in the corner, or if you never ask that beautiful girl out, you may be missing out on something amazing. These are the decisions I'm talking about. We make the decision to either say hello or walk away, and then the sequence of events follows. Afterall, wouldn't you feel better about failure if you knew that, at the very least, you tried everything in your power to make it work out?
This just shows what I mean by getting where you need to go by working toward it, rather than simply by fate.
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